Labor:
I went into labor around 3:00am on the 24th. My induction was scheduled for later that night. I will give Cesar credit for that. We had gotten into a fight about 2 hours prior to that. I wasn't sure I was in labor for a while. I had expected a different type of pain but when I couldn't fall asleep I began counting the minutes between pangs. After running it by Cesar' sister and mom we all agreed that I was in labor and packed up our things for the hospital. The hospital wasn't as scary as I had anticipated. The contractions, however, were much stronger than I was prepared for. I was okay for a while but once they began making me involuntarily tear up I opted for an epidural. Plus, I hadn't slept at all yet and thought that it would be wise of me to do what I could in order to get some sleep before the physically demanding part of labor began.
The epidural worked really well on the right side of my body and maybe about 10% on the left side. I was able to sleep but once the contractions started to get really strong and close together I was in a lot of pain. Maybe that was God's was of letting me feel less guilty about choosing to get some pain relief. By the time I was ready to push I had been in labor for 13 hours. Most of that time was spent either sleeping, watching "I Love Lucy", and talking to April (thank God she was there). Cesar spent most of that time eating breakfast with Norman and sleeping on a chair and waiting for April to do anything I asked of him.
Pushing didn't hurt at all. Now I can't be 100% certain that it wasn't because of the epidural but I figured that if I could feel the contractions I would be able to feel the pain of the actual delivery. It really felt like there was just a (pardon my graphic description) tampon that was coming out. I could feel something was there but it wasn't painful. I don't know exactly how long I pushed for but it felt like maybe 10 minutes (not constantly pushing). Cesar and April were wonderful cheerleaders the whole time. Then WOOSH he was out! They put him on my stomach right away and I could only say "wow". He really didn't look as disgusting as I had prepared myself for. Cesar cut his umbilical cord after that and then they cleaned him up. By the way, if you have facebook, I highly recommend you view the photo of Cesar cutting the umbilical cord. His face is priceless.
After I looked over at the little guy, quietly laying in the little bucket and being weighed by the nurses, I couldn't not cry. It hit me that I wasn't pregnant anymore, now I had a baby. This prompted me to touch my now flattened belly and I stopped crying. It felt like melty jello; I couldn't help but laugh. From then on it was just a blur of nurses and family constantly cycling through the room. I don't know what papers I signed or who told me what. I was exhausted but couldn't/didn't want to sleep.
We went home the following night and I haven't slept since. Thank goodness for concealer.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Day Before Induction
So I lied, I'm posting one more blog since tonight is a big night. Tomorrow is my scheduled induction. There are so many things I'm feeling right now. I have gotten so used to being pregnant that I am having a hard time imagining what it'll be like to not have this little kicker bumping around all the time. I'm terrified of the entire hospital process too. I've never been a patient in the hospital, I've actually never even been inside of a hospital room at all. That scares me more than it should compared to everything else that begins tomorrow.
I spent the day putting together baby stuff. Topping off the diaper bag, hospital bag, making a final dinner, assembling a swing and play pen/changing table, and a bassinet. Car seat remains to be installed...its been too hot to go outside and try to hunch and twist to get it set up. I blame Cesar for its homeless status (and you can too).
I am actually starting to feel like my body is preparing for labor finally. I've been experiencing some of the less than pleasant signs. Among them is a lack of movement from our little dude. He has definitely slowed down but has not ceased head banging against my cervix. I've also increased bathroom trips from 1 or 2 a night to a definite 3. At least I'm used to not sleeping through the night already. Nervous nervous nervous.
Here's hoping the next couple of days (and years to follow) go well.
I spent the day putting together baby stuff. Topping off the diaper bag, hospital bag, making a final dinner, assembling a swing and play pen/changing table, and a bassinet. Car seat remains to be installed...its been too hot to go outside and try to hunch and twist to get it set up. I blame Cesar for its homeless status (and you can too).
I am actually starting to feel like my body is preparing for labor finally. I've been experiencing some of the less than pleasant signs. Among them is a lack of movement from our little dude. He has definitely slowed down but has not ceased head banging against my cervix. I've also increased bathroom trips from 1 or 2 a night to a definite 3. At least I'm used to not sleeping through the night already. Nervous nervous nervous.
Here's hoping the next couple of days (and years to follow) go well.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Week 40 1/7th
Yesterday was my due date and still no sign of baby. According to Dr. Yeo I am "still closed up." So we scheduled an induction for the 24th at 6pm. This brings about so many new feelings that I never thought to prepare for. When you prepare for having a baby you prepare to be unprepared but now we know where and when to expect our guy and I don't have to worry about my water breaking unexpectedly. It also takes a little bit of the magic out of the process. There is no element of surprise (although I'm sure Pitocin will have me singing a different tune) with induction, everything is scheduled down to when to administer which drugs. I never realized the full page list of medications that is associated with induction. I guess sometimes nature makes mistakes (like she did with my hair color).
I'm excited to finally see his face and experience all the things that await my new little family. I can't wait to make him giggle, soothe a cry, and fit into my old jeans. There so many changes that I can't wait to go through and so many things I can't wait to go back to normal and even more things I don't know how I feel about. Cesar is still trying to act cool about things but I see through his act. He is totally nervous and excited and doesn't know what to do...at all.
All in all we're both pretty glad to see this phase come to an end. It'll be nice to be able to bend down, sleep on my stomach, drink caffeine and alcohol, not have heartburn, eat sushi, and wear pants with a fly. I'll miss spending time out with my friends but that has been long gone for me for about...9 months. I'll have to make mom friends...sigh.
Truth is, I've gotten so used to being pregnant I can't really pin down how I anticipate my future thoughts and feelings. Maybe this blog will continue on tracking my life as a mother, if I'll have time. One thing is for sure, I know I already know I don't want to go back to work :)
wish us lots of luck and sleep!!!
until Tuesday,
abby
I'm excited to finally see his face and experience all the things that await my new little family. I can't wait to make him giggle, soothe a cry, and fit into my old jeans. There so many changes that I can't wait to go through and so many things I can't wait to go back to normal and even more things I don't know how I feel about. Cesar is still trying to act cool about things but I see through his act. He is totally nervous and excited and doesn't know what to do...at all.
All in all we're both pretty glad to see this phase come to an end. It'll be nice to be able to bend down, sleep on my stomach, drink caffeine and alcohol, not have heartburn, eat sushi, and wear pants with a fly. I'll miss spending time out with my friends but that has been long gone for me for about...9 months. I'll have to make mom friends...sigh.
Truth is, I've gotten so used to being pregnant I can't really pin down how I anticipate my future thoughts and feelings. Maybe this blog will continue on tracking my life as a mother, if I'll have time. One thing is for sure, I know I already know I don't want to go back to work :)
wish us lots of luck and sleep!!!
until Tuesday,
abby
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Week 36ish seriously, can anyone keep track?
Current weight – 173 lbs yeehaw
While I’ve become more and more used to being pregnant I have neglected to adequately psych myself up for labor and delivery, not to mention parenthood. Although, now that I think about it I haven’t even really felt pregnant until the past week or so. It’s harder to roll over or sit up, getting in and out of my car isn’t as easy as it used to be either and forget bending over (I’m a grade a dipper). I’m terrified of labor. At first I didn’t think I would be one of those women who freak out when they go into labor but the closer I get the more I see myself denying the situation and then panicking. Regardless of what I do, I am fairly certain that I will over react. I anticipate tears and displacement in large quantities.
If I were to post my Facebook status for the next few weeks it would read “Abby is feeling a bit like December 7, 1941” I feel SO unprepared. Things at the house aren’t ready at all, paperwork still needs to be taken to the hospital, I need to finish with work (2 more weeks!!!), diaper service needs to be set up, I need to get all the diaper covers organized. Its too much for one human incubator to handle. Men just don’t get it. Cesar is out trying to capitalize on the last remaining days of his youth (never mind that I didn’t get the opportunity, bastards) while I stress over the impending responsibilities. It’s a good thing we’re the smarter sex because a man couldn’t handle all of this. I dare you to tell me I’m wrong.
Baby is doing well. Head is down, heart rate is good, I’m healthy, we’re both doing great. I’m not dilated at all yet and they checked for “harmful bacteria”. He still moves around a lot and it’s a lot more uncomfortable now. Sometimes he knocks the wind out of me, which I will keep filed away for a day when he thinks I never did anything for him. Hmm…Jewish guilt must be inherited.
Two more weeks of work, two more weeks of work, two more weeks of work! I’ve already mentally checked out. It doesn’t help that I have about 5% of the work I used to have and I’m tired every day because I can’t sleep at night. I’m looking forward to “dropping” so I can breathe more easily. I’m up to weekly appointments now, which will help me get through my last two work weeks (they tend to take a couple hours J )
I want a beer.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Week 35
Current Weight: 170? 172? who cares?
Good news! My belly button is still an innie. I'm also free for stretch marks, don't hate me.
Oh, and baby is head down (as of 5 weeks ago), has been kicking plenty, and my weight looks good!
We started taking our birthing prep class 2 weeks ago. I hope its helpful. Lots of relaxation techniques and spelling out of labor stages, pains, and the step by step of what happens during labor. I think we're both learning a lot, Cesar might be learning a little more than he had hoped for.
It's actually been really interesting to see the cultural differences in the way we view childbirth (and child rearing?). He kind of expects me to just "be" and prepare myself, whereas I want him to know whats going on and feel connected to the whole process as much as he can be so he can start to get to know his son. He still gets weirded out by movement but I make him touch my belly whenever I can.
The baby actually gets stage fright. I wasn't sure it was really possible but I'm pretty sure he only moves for me and sometimes Cesar. My sister got to feel him this weekend after my super amazing baby shower. One of the first person aside from me or Cesar to feel him.
The 2nd baby shower was amazing. It was beautiful and sweet and reminded me again of how generous people can be. I (think) I have everything I NEED now. Can we ever really be prepared for something we've never done? I've heard a lot of advice and I think it helps, if nothing else It allows me to form my own thoughts and opinions about how I think I'll think.
5 weeks to go. Counting down the end of this 9 month life, and prepping for the new life long one. There are so many things to feel but I still feel very calm. Okay so that's a lie. I'm very anxious, but this does nothing so I try to be as calm as possible. Between packing, moving, prepping, and having a life (...oh wait...) its easy to get lost in my own to-do list. For now, I'm thankful for all of the distractions and every piece of normalcy that comes my way.
I'm off to polish off a pint of ice cream before bed. Someone has been kick boxing for the past hour or so. I could learn a thing or two from him.
Good news! My belly button is still an innie. I'm also free for stretch marks, don't hate me.
Oh, and baby is head down (as of 5 weeks ago), has been kicking plenty, and my weight looks good!
We started taking our birthing prep class 2 weeks ago. I hope its helpful. Lots of relaxation techniques and spelling out of labor stages, pains, and the step by step of what happens during labor. I think we're both learning a lot, Cesar might be learning a little more than he had hoped for.
It's actually been really interesting to see the cultural differences in the way we view childbirth (and child rearing?). He kind of expects me to just "be" and prepare myself, whereas I want him to know whats going on and feel connected to the whole process as much as he can be so he can start to get to know his son. He still gets weirded out by movement but I make him touch my belly whenever I can.
The baby actually gets stage fright. I wasn't sure it was really possible but I'm pretty sure he only moves for me and sometimes Cesar. My sister got to feel him this weekend after my super amazing baby shower. One of the first person aside from me or Cesar to feel him.
The 2nd baby shower was amazing. It was beautiful and sweet and reminded me again of how generous people can be. I (think) I have everything I NEED now. Can we ever really be prepared for something we've never done? I've heard a lot of advice and I think it helps, if nothing else It allows me to form my own thoughts and opinions about how I think I'll think.
5 weeks to go. Counting down the end of this 9 month life, and prepping for the new life long one. There are so many things to feel but I still feel very calm. Okay so that's a lie. I'm very anxious, but this does nothing so I try to be as calm as possible. Between packing, moving, prepping, and having a life (...oh wait...) its easy to get lost in my own to-do list. For now, I'm thankful for all of the distractions and every piece of normalcy that comes my way.
I'm off to polish off a pint of ice cream before bed. Someone has been kick boxing for the past hour or so. I could learn a thing or two from him.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Week 32
The past couple of weeks have been interesting. It seems my nesting instinct has kicked into high gear. That coupled with my impending move and the ticking baby clock have been keeping me from sleeping much. I now have a very frequent urge to get DO. I have old clothes (skinny clothes) to pack for storage, hopeful clothes to go with me, bathroom luxuries I can live without (goodbye for now, cellulite cream) for storage, kitchen gadgets to slowly siphon into boxes, and books books books. Not to mention all of the other logistical things that I have still to handle. Picking a pediatrician and having him sign some paper saying that he’ll be the one examining the baby after delivery, pre-registration for the hospital, helping Cesar figure out his benefits package at Red Bull, signing up for birthing preparation classes, planning maternity leave, doctor appointments, and packing my hospital bag. It’s no wonder women are the one’s burdened with child birth; a man couldn’t get all of that done (especially while growing a baby from scratch and looking damn good while doing it). Unfortunately it means I’ve become all business. Every dinner with Cesar has become a meeting to discuss strategy and upcoming dates and plans. My old, fun, not-pregnant me is left wondering what the heck I used to talk about before this bossy bitch moved in.
I am looking forward to being settled and meeting our little guy. Not a big fan of the last few hours before I meet him but I am still confident that modern medicine will come up with a way to beam him out within the next 2 months. I have dreams about it (did you know frequent dreaming in one night is a sign that you aren’t fully rested?). Usually it is pretty normal and I can imagine the pain but its dull and nothing like I’ve heard anyone describe (“like shitting a giant watermelon that is on fire”).
Cesar is working 2 jobs right now which makes the dream of being settled somewhere seem much closer than it used to. He works Monday – Friday at Red Bull (yay!) and Saturday – Sunday for Dreyers. Not sure how long he(we)’ll be able to handle that but the extra cash will be very nice. We can pay off some debt, save up some money and get our own place (queue angelic singing). Having a Mexican mom around to cook for me doesn’t sound too bad either. The idea of having things paid off and being debt free is beautiful. My credit card will be easy, and my car might take a little time but at this rate I can pay it off 10 months early!
Doc says my skin looks great and I probably won’t get any stretch marks! Can you believe it!!!! don’t hate me, I’m sure I’ll suffer in some other way (hmm acne scarring?) but I was thrilled when I heard that. My weight gain leveled off at my last appointment which is good news too. I’m trying, I swear. Who am I to fight with nature when it’s hot outside and she reminds me that I have ice cream in the freezer (thank you Dreyers)? So for now, I am resigned to eating well (ice cream aside) and doing extra laps at work so get off my butt and avoid varicose veins!
Right now I’d really like a giant burrito from Miguel’s Jr.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Week 31
current weight - 167...I think. Dr's scale says way more but I'm fairy certain that my bathroom scale is more accurate.
Saw Dr. Yeo last week, first appointment that Cesar couldn't make it to (he was working). Sucks for him because we got an ultrasound! Saw the ever-growing little guy for the first time in about 10 weeks. He is in the right position and I could see and feel him kicking me simultaneously which was really exciting. The print out of his face that we got shows the outline of his skull and eye sockets and his little arm. Cesar is pretty concerned that his head looks too big. His mom, my parents and I have all been hard at work convincing him that it looks normal and to remind him that you can't see his skin or fat in the ultrasound. I think he's almost got it through his head.
Baby shower was this weekend and could not have been better! I got a cute new outfit and some fancy new shoes for the event. I made up my own cocktail, a blueberry martini. yum yum...from what I heard. So many people showed up, I wasn't expecting that. I still can't believe how generous my friends are. I get so hung up on how alone I've been feeling that I had written them off and they still showed me so much love. Opening all of the gifts got me really excited to meet (and dress) our guy. Even Cesar got excited when I went through and showed him all the neat things we got. Tons of shoes, little outfits, bottle warmer, even the cloth diapers from etsy got a rise out of him "that's bad!" (Cesar verbage for "that's so cool!") His mom couldn't stop cooing over the little sandals. I think Bentley (the dog) got a little jealous that the gifts weren't for him, as was clearly displayed by his theft of multiple diapers and rubber ducks.
So Cesar officially starts working at Red Bull on Monday! More money, full time, and benefits! (insert joyous skipping and dancing) This is great news for more reasons than the obvious cash perk, it means we'll be able to get our own place sooner! We'll still stay at his parent's house for a few months, pay off some debt and get comfortable with our new rolls...hopefully.
I've been seeing a lot more activity from baby. He had the hiccups for the first time last night, at least I'm pretty sure that's what it was. Normally I'll feel some bumps and punches sporadically, but last night was rhythmic bumping in the area where his torso is. It lasted approximately 3 minutes, I tried to catch it on video but it didn't show much. Better luck next time, Baby. He is starting to give me some pains though; lower back, upper back, ribs, trouble sleeping, heart burn. I have a ominous feeling about the remaining TWO MONTHS. I already don't feel like I can do all the things I used to do. Packing and moving are going to be very tricky.
We're signed up for a birthing class starting July 1st. I'm excited. I wish I hadn't had to try and convince him to take the class with me but ultimately he agreed to take the class with me. I think he is starting to realize that I'm always right. It's about damn time!
I'm growing out of my clothes faster and faster. I solicited the help of Jenn to keep me lookin good as my "stylist" I don't think she realizes what she has signed up for.
Saw Dr. Yeo last week, first appointment that Cesar couldn't make it to (he was working). Sucks for him because we got an ultrasound! Saw the ever-growing little guy for the first time in about 10 weeks. He is in the right position and I could see and feel him kicking me simultaneously which was really exciting. The print out of his face that we got shows the outline of his skull and eye sockets and his little arm. Cesar is pretty concerned that his head looks too big. His mom, my parents and I have all been hard at work convincing him that it looks normal and to remind him that you can't see his skin or fat in the ultrasound. I think he's almost got it through his head.
Baby shower was this weekend and could not have been better! I got a cute new outfit and some fancy new shoes for the event. I made up my own cocktail, a blueberry martini. yum yum...from what I heard. So many people showed up, I wasn't expecting that. I still can't believe how generous my friends are. I get so hung up on how alone I've been feeling that I had written them off and they still showed me so much love. Opening all of the gifts got me really excited to meet (and dress) our guy. Even Cesar got excited when I went through and showed him all the neat things we got. Tons of shoes, little outfits, bottle warmer, even the cloth diapers from etsy got a rise out of him "that's bad!" (Cesar verbage for "that's so cool!") His mom couldn't stop cooing over the little sandals. I think Bentley (the dog) got a little jealous that the gifts weren't for him, as was clearly displayed by his theft of multiple diapers and rubber ducks.
So Cesar officially starts working at Red Bull on Monday! More money, full time, and benefits! (insert joyous skipping and dancing) This is great news for more reasons than the obvious cash perk, it means we'll be able to get our own place sooner! We'll still stay at his parent's house for a few months, pay off some debt and get comfortable with our new rolls...hopefully.
I've been seeing a lot more activity from baby. He had the hiccups for the first time last night, at least I'm pretty sure that's what it was. Normally I'll feel some bumps and punches sporadically, but last night was rhythmic bumping in the area where his torso is. It lasted approximately 3 minutes, I tried to catch it on video but it didn't show much. Better luck next time, Baby. He is starting to give me some pains though; lower back, upper back, ribs, trouble sleeping, heart burn. I have a ominous feeling about the remaining TWO MONTHS. I already don't feel like I can do all the things I used to do. Packing and moving are going to be very tricky.
We're signed up for a birthing class starting July 1st. I'm excited. I wish I hadn't had to try and convince him to take the class with me but ultimately he agreed to take the class with me. I think he is starting to realize that I'm always right. It's about damn time!
I'm growing out of my clothes faster and faster. I solicited the help of Jenn to keep me lookin good as my "stylist" I don't think she realizes what she has signed up for.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Week 29...I think
Current Weight - 161, hard to believe it isn't more based on the amount of ice cream I have been consuming.
I actually have no idea what week this is, but according to my phone it is week 29. The phone wins this one.
Things have been okay the last week. Planning is always a source of conflict for me and Cesar. He'd like to wait until the 11th hour to get anything in order while I would like to, at the very least, have a foggy idea of what the plan is as far ahead of time as possible. It can be hard not to let the hormones get the best of me in arguments but he has been pretty understanding. Through all of my nagging we have made some decisions. I'll move into his parent's house with him until he has a good foothold at work.
AH! WORK! So my wonderful boyfriend has been working at Dreyer's the past few weeks. The drive started wearing him down (about 40 miles one way on top of his driving from store to store) so he gave a reminder phone call to Red Bull. They had him come in last week and offered him way more than they had offered him last time. The first time he interviewed they said the position was for a part time merchandiser; not the best and he is capable of much more. Well, this time they told him the position was for a FULL TIME RELIEF SALES position! Cue triumphant music. Right now we are awaiting final approval and then we should know if he is in or not. Very exciting indeed.
In my corner, I will start "interning" for a real estate company, thanks to one of my former Kappa advisors. It'll pay me per sale and I go by for a few hours 3 days a week. Also very exciting. I should be able to learn a lot there and maybe make some career moves, plus its something I can do while on leave from my soul sucking office job.
So this baby has pretty good etiquette already. If I slouch he kicks me in the ribs, he must be mine. I wish he would let me slouch, my back has been hurting lately. I think its time to look in to a massage, like...immediately. Maybe some bengay in the meantime.
The other night I think I had my first official weird craving: pancakes and enchilada sauce. It could have been exhaustion but it made my mouth water regardless. It has since passed, but I was excited that I finally had something weird to report.
I'm outgrowing my clothing faster than I expected. I'm as reluctant as ever to buy maternity clothing. I still don't want to be draped in flowy articles a la circus tent. I'm actively searching for someone who would like to do all the shopping for me. So far, no bites.
For now I'm off to work out my arms so they don't look fat in all the pictures of me holding baby.
I actually have no idea what week this is, but according to my phone it is week 29. The phone wins this one.
Things have been okay the last week. Planning is always a source of conflict for me and Cesar. He'd like to wait until the 11th hour to get anything in order while I would like to, at the very least, have a foggy idea of what the plan is as far ahead of time as possible. It can be hard not to let the hormones get the best of me in arguments but he has been pretty understanding. Through all of my nagging we have made some decisions. I'll move into his parent's house with him until he has a good foothold at work.
AH! WORK! So my wonderful boyfriend has been working at Dreyer's the past few weeks. The drive started wearing him down (about 40 miles one way on top of his driving from store to store) so he gave a reminder phone call to Red Bull. They had him come in last week and offered him way more than they had offered him last time. The first time he interviewed they said the position was for a part time merchandiser; not the best and he is capable of much more. Well, this time they told him the position was for a FULL TIME RELIEF SALES position! Cue triumphant music. Right now we are awaiting final approval and then we should know if he is in or not. Very exciting indeed.
In my corner, I will start "interning" for a real estate company, thanks to one of my former Kappa advisors. It'll pay me per sale and I go by for a few hours 3 days a week. Also very exciting. I should be able to learn a lot there and maybe make some career moves, plus its something I can do while on leave from my soul sucking office job.
So this baby has pretty good etiquette already. If I slouch he kicks me in the ribs, he must be mine. I wish he would let me slouch, my back has been hurting lately. I think its time to look in to a massage, like...immediately. Maybe some bengay in the meantime.
The other night I think I had my first official weird craving: pancakes and enchilada sauce. It could have been exhaustion but it made my mouth water regardless. It has since passed, but I was excited that I finally had something weird to report.
I'm outgrowing my clothing faster than I expected. I'm as reluctant as ever to buy maternity clothing. I still don't want to be draped in flowy articles a la circus tent. I'm actively searching for someone who would like to do all the shopping for me. So far, no bites.
For now I'm off to work out my arms so they don't look fat in all the pictures of me holding baby.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Week 28
Current weight 161 lbs
Its been a few weeks since I've updated. I can't believe how quickly time has passed or how suddenly it seems my armpits and thighs have tripled in size. Lucky for me it will be summer soon, lots of tank tops and bikini bottoms...awesome.
Definitely been getting a lot more action out of the little guy lately. Usually after I eat chocolate, although I think he may be building an immunity to it. hmm. He gets especially kicky when I lay on my left side. It almost feels like he is trying to alert me to his discomfort. Foreshadowing?
Strangers have begun asking me about being pregnant. I guess that's good? It is still a little weird but at least they haven't started touching my belly yet.
A girl I know who was as far a long as I am just lost her baby. It actually freaked me and Cesar out a lot. I thought that we were in the clear after 12 weeks. I've just been getting used to the idea that there is a 2 lb creature living (apparently) on the left side of my uterus, now I get to worry about something happening to him already? Physically things haven't been hard but the lifetime of worry doesn't really wait until birth, does it?
If you ask me today, I'll be living with the Vazquez family when the baby is born. My roommate made it clear early on that I would be the one leaving, not her. I can't say that isn't upsetting, but she does get a say in what happens....it would have been nice to discuss it though...
Cesar started working at Dryer's this week and from the sounds of it he has been impressing a lot of people. The job is seasonal but we're hoping they hire him on full time at the end of the season. Once we know that, we will be able to get OUR OWN PLACE!! I'm sure after a few months in a crowded house we will be good and ready to start our own nest. I'm a little disappointed that we can't do it before then, but I'm extremely happy that Cesar is working somewhere better than The Men's Wearhouse. Tiny victories!!!! He's doing well so far and I imagine they'd like to keep someone that good around for a long time.
Do you ever feel like you can't get good news without also getting bad news? The first day Cesar started at Dreyer's was the very same day I awoke to find one of the wheels had been stolen from my car. He had been planning on using my car for work since it gets better gas mileage but now we have to wait for the wheel place to ship me the wheel and then we have to find a tire for it and get it put on, balanced, rotated...blah blah blah. no fun. Maybe I won't be sorry to move out after all ;)
Last visit with Dr. Yeo went well. He told Cesar he was luck to "have a wife who looks like a model" hear that, world? Despite the fact that he was referring to my lack of stretch marks (knock on wood) I have to believe he meant overall I still looked like a woman and not a zebra striped blob. I don't care either way. I look like a model according to my Dr, that is enough for me. Now if only I can get these thighs and armpits down to model size...in due time.
Maternity clothes still seem to outsmart me. Just when I think I have figured out a way to avoid them, I lose a button or retire a favorite pair of underoos. Thank goodness for eBay. I'll keep on hunting until more than 5 items fit me. I will be cute!!!!
I still cannot believe that there are approximately 11 weeks left. Does anyone else think that isn't enough time? Baby showers are happening soon and I'm actually excited. Time to celebrate this little guy!
Its been a few weeks since I've updated. I can't believe how quickly time has passed or how suddenly it seems my armpits and thighs have tripled in size. Lucky for me it will be summer soon, lots of tank tops and bikini bottoms...awesome.
Definitely been getting a lot more action out of the little guy lately. Usually after I eat chocolate, although I think he may be building an immunity to it. hmm. He gets especially kicky when I lay on my left side. It almost feels like he is trying to alert me to his discomfort. Foreshadowing?
Strangers have begun asking me about being pregnant. I guess that's good? It is still a little weird but at least they haven't started touching my belly yet.
A girl I know who was as far a long as I am just lost her baby. It actually freaked me and Cesar out a lot. I thought that we were in the clear after 12 weeks. I've just been getting used to the idea that there is a 2 lb creature living (apparently) on the left side of my uterus, now I get to worry about something happening to him already? Physically things haven't been hard but the lifetime of worry doesn't really wait until birth, does it?
If you ask me today, I'll be living with the Vazquez family when the baby is born. My roommate made it clear early on that I would be the one leaving, not her. I can't say that isn't upsetting, but she does get a say in what happens....it would have been nice to discuss it though...
Cesar started working at Dryer's this week and from the sounds of it he has been impressing a lot of people. The job is seasonal but we're hoping they hire him on full time at the end of the season. Once we know that, we will be able to get OUR OWN PLACE!! I'm sure after a few months in a crowded house we will be good and ready to start our own nest. I'm a little disappointed that we can't do it before then, but I'm extremely happy that Cesar is working somewhere better than The Men's Wearhouse. Tiny victories!!!! He's doing well so far and I imagine they'd like to keep someone that good around for a long time.
Do you ever feel like you can't get good news without also getting bad news? The first day Cesar started at Dreyer's was the very same day I awoke to find one of the wheels had been stolen from my car. He had been planning on using my car for work since it gets better gas mileage but now we have to wait for the wheel place to ship me the wheel and then we have to find a tire for it and get it put on, balanced, rotated...blah blah blah. no fun. Maybe I won't be sorry to move out after all ;)
Last visit with Dr. Yeo went well. He told Cesar he was luck to "have a wife who looks like a model" hear that, world? Despite the fact that he was referring to my lack of stretch marks (knock on wood) I have to believe he meant overall I still looked like a woman and not a zebra striped blob. I don't care either way. I look like a model according to my Dr, that is enough for me. Now if only I can get these thighs and armpits down to model size...in due time.
Maternity clothes still seem to outsmart me. Just when I think I have figured out a way to avoid them, I lose a button or retire a favorite pair of underoos. Thank goodness for eBay. I'll keep on hunting until more than 5 items fit me. I will be cute!!!!
I still cannot believe that there are approximately 11 weeks left. Does anyone else think that isn't enough time? Baby showers are happening soon and I'm actually excited. Time to celebrate this little guy!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Week 24
current weight: 157.5 screw the scale at the OB's office.
Our little guy has been moving around quite a bit lately. I felt the first really noticeable kick last week. It felt like the bubbles in your stomach when you hold in a fart. (There he goes again. Must know that I'm talking about him) I could actually see a little bubble last night. Cesar isn't exactly interested, but I don't know that I would be too interested in his bowelesque feelings...or whatever the male equivalent is.
I really look pregnant now. I'm sure there are still some people out there who can take a look at me and think "I didn't know she was a competitive eater".
I'm feeling the pressure of time. 3 months to go and still don't know where we'll live. Wow, 3 months. THREE. Good news is that Cesar has been working a lot harder to find full time work. tick tock babies. Hope next week I have good news to report. We have started making steps to save money. He is the detail man, but he always wants to have the finest of everything. Meanwhile, I walk around as a steady reminder that reality is far from his visions. "Maybe someday, but for now..." However, it is fun to get wrapped up in mentally painting walls, planting a garden, picking out furniture, and playing in the yard. Maybe someday, but for now...we wait.
Going back to the weight gain; my parents like to shake their heads' and frown at my numbers. I, however, did a little research of my own. Based on my weekly weigh ins at home, on my scale, wearing the same thing each time, I am still within the healthy limits recommended. So poo poo on all of your furrowed brows. Am I on the high side? yes. Do I wish I had gained less weight? absolutely. I've said it before and I'll say it again: going from always trying to loose weight and keep my numbers from creeping back up to flip a switch and be "okay" with weight gain is fiercely difficult. It might have something to do with my perfectly-normal-but-a-little-on-the-high-side weight gain. So for now, I will don my Nike's and march onward and upward.
My hair has become on my list of things that are annoying about my totally easy pregnancy. I have about 2 inches of regrowth, the color has totally faded and its dry at the ends, oily at the roots. What is that!? Someone actually asked me if I was going blond...I'm scared to re color, but what is a red head to do? I've seen some pictures of other women immediately after giving birth and, as vain as it is, I do not want to look like that. I entrusted my wonderful boyfriend with the job of making sure I don't look shiny in any photos but he cannot fix my color. I finally started writing down questions like this for my next prenatal exam. Eventually I'll remember to ask them.
As negative as I may sound, my wheels have been working in overdrive. Thinking of where to live, ways to start a career, educating myself, preparing for my life to change in THREE MONTHS, paying attention to things that inspire me so I can inspire my boys, and even fantasizing about being a cute mom with a bohemian baby wrap, and someday fitting into my old clothes, heck! maybe even smaller ones.
Off to sleep, perchance to dream.
p.s. got my spell check button back!
Our little guy has been moving around quite a bit lately. I felt the first really noticeable kick last week. It felt like the bubbles in your stomach when you hold in a fart. (There he goes again. Must know that I'm talking about him) I could actually see a little bubble last night. Cesar isn't exactly interested, but I don't know that I would be too interested in his bowelesque feelings...or whatever the male equivalent is.
I really look pregnant now. I'm sure there are still some people out there who can take a look at me and think "I didn't know she was a competitive eater".
I'm feeling the pressure of time. 3 months to go and still don't know where we'll live. Wow, 3 months. THREE. Good news is that Cesar has been working a lot harder to find full time work. tick tock babies. Hope next week I have good news to report. We have started making steps to save money. He is the detail man, but he always wants to have the finest of everything. Meanwhile, I walk around as a steady reminder that reality is far from his visions. "Maybe someday, but for now..." However, it is fun to get wrapped up in mentally painting walls, planting a garden, picking out furniture, and playing in the yard. Maybe someday, but for now...we wait.
Going back to the weight gain; my parents like to shake their heads' and frown at my numbers. I, however, did a little research of my own. Based on my weekly weigh ins at home, on my scale, wearing the same thing each time, I am still within the healthy limits recommended. So poo poo on all of your furrowed brows. Am I on the high side? yes. Do I wish I had gained less weight? absolutely. I've said it before and I'll say it again: going from always trying to loose weight and keep my numbers from creeping back up to flip a switch and be "okay" with weight gain is fiercely difficult. It might have something to do with my perfectly-normal-but-a-little-on-the-high-side weight gain. So for now, I will don my Nike's and march onward and upward.
My hair has become on my list of things that are annoying about my totally easy pregnancy. I have about 2 inches of regrowth, the color has totally faded and its dry at the ends, oily at the roots. What is that!? Someone actually asked me if I was going blond...I'm scared to re color, but what is a red head to do? I've seen some pictures of other women immediately after giving birth and, as vain as it is, I do not want to look like that. I entrusted my wonderful boyfriend with the job of making sure I don't look shiny in any photos but he cannot fix my color. I finally started writing down questions like this for my next prenatal exam. Eventually I'll remember to ask them.
As negative as I may sound, my wheels have been working in overdrive. Thinking of where to live, ways to start a career, educating myself, preparing for my life to change in THREE MONTHS, paying attention to things that inspire me so I can inspire my boys, and even fantasizing about being a cute mom with a bohemian baby wrap, and someday fitting into my old clothes, heck! maybe even smaller ones.
Off to sleep, perchance to dream.
p.s. got my spell check button back!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Week 22
current weight 154.5 at home...160 at the dr. I am less than thrilled about this.
The one perk to this awful peak in weight is that I have actually reached that redeeming moment in which I look like a pregnant woman instead of a bro ho. I didn't "pop" like the books and blogs and friends with kids said I would. It has been a long, slow process but today was different. I did my normal rush to the mirror to check for signs of growth without any luck. I continued along with my normal morning routine; brushed my teeth, showered, blow dried, coco buttered my gut and got dressed. But ah, that's when it hit me: my clothes were stretched to capacity. Wait, no...it couldn't be... I wore this shirt last week. After a quick recheck in the mirror, sure enough, there was a "baby bump." Victory.
For a while I thought I may have been loosing my mind as a result of the slew of hormones racing through my body...but after examining the cold hard facts, I realized I couldn't be wrong. People know I'm pregnant and they talk about it...before you roll your eyes to the tune of "no shit, sherlock" hear me out. As I have mentioned for the past dozen weeks I didn't look pregnant, just like a big fan of bacon chedder potato wedges. People who saw me frequently (and infrequently) were unaware that I had been hard at work growing a person. Some people said things to me the indicated their shock at hearing I was pregnant. Now that I have sufficiently convinced you that I didn't appear to be pregnant...Other people who were never told have started stealing glances are my stomach. More and more people daily seem to know about it weather they say anything to me directly or they sneak a peak at my newly formed bump. Then there are the people I know know who don't say anything. It is a strange feeling, but still has a way of making me feel stripped down and exposed. I find myself wearing a fake diamond ring on my left hand daily just to make it feel better, however little. It'll make you think twice before uttering a single negative word about anyone else in the same situation.
Physically, there has been a lot of movement from the little guy. I try to pay attention to what it is that gets him going but as best as I can tell, its anything chocolatey. If I were to be truly graphic, it feels like that bubbling in your stomach when you have to fart or drank some water from Mexico, if you catch my downwind drift. So far, its pretty easy to ignore unless I'm trying to figure out if it is a fart or other ominous stomach rumbling.
The doctor told me that I'm measuring a little big, about a week big. Nothing to be worried about just means baby will be a little big...[insert sarcastic "woo"]. Everything else looks good, no down syndrome or other birth defects that they can detect from the APF testing.
I spent about 6 full days trying to decide on what to register for; reading reviews, talking to other women with children, reading consumer reports. After all that, I pretty much went with my gut. I'll let all of that settle before I hope online and start adding other things. Who ever thought there would be a day when I could ask soneone to buy me nipple cream?
C'est la vie, non?
The one perk to this awful peak in weight is that I have actually reached that redeeming moment in which I look like a pregnant woman instead of a bro ho. I didn't "pop" like the books and blogs and friends with kids said I would. It has been a long, slow process but today was different. I did my normal rush to the mirror to check for signs of growth without any luck. I continued along with my normal morning routine; brushed my teeth, showered, blow dried, coco buttered my gut and got dressed. But ah, that's when it hit me: my clothes were stretched to capacity. Wait, no...it couldn't be... I wore this shirt last week. After a quick recheck in the mirror, sure enough, there was a "baby bump." Victory.
For a while I thought I may have been loosing my mind as a result of the slew of hormones racing through my body...but after examining the cold hard facts, I realized I couldn't be wrong. People know I'm pregnant and they talk about it...before you roll your eyes to the tune of "no shit, sherlock" hear me out. As I have mentioned for the past dozen weeks I didn't look pregnant, just like a big fan of bacon chedder potato wedges. People who saw me frequently (and infrequently) were unaware that I had been hard at work growing a person. Some people said things to me the indicated their shock at hearing I was pregnant. Now that I have sufficiently convinced you that I didn't appear to be pregnant...Other people who were never told have started stealing glances are my stomach. More and more people daily seem to know about it weather they say anything to me directly or they sneak a peak at my newly formed bump. Then there are the people I know know who don't say anything. It is a strange feeling, but still has a way of making me feel stripped down and exposed. I find myself wearing a fake diamond ring on my left hand daily just to make it feel better, however little. It'll make you think twice before uttering a single negative word about anyone else in the same situation.
Physically, there has been a lot of movement from the little guy. I try to pay attention to what it is that gets him going but as best as I can tell, its anything chocolatey. If I were to be truly graphic, it feels like that bubbling in your stomach when you have to fart or drank some water from Mexico, if you catch my downwind drift. So far, its pretty easy to ignore unless I'm trying to figure out if it is a fart or other ominous stomach rumbling.
The doctor told me that I'm measuring a little big, about a week big. Nothing to be worried about just means baby will be a little big...[insert sarcastic "woo"]. Everything else looks good, no down syndrome or other birth defects that they can detect from the APF testing.
I spent about 6 full days trying to decide on what to register for; reading reviews, talking to other women with children, reading consumer reports. After all that, I pretty much went with my gut. I'll let all of that settle before I hope online and start adding other things. Who ever thought there would be a day when I could ask soneone to buy me nipple cream?
C'est la vie, non?
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Week 21
Current Weight - 152.5 woohoo, finally a slow week!
Someone asked me last week if being pregnant was what I had expected. I was shocked to find out I couldn't answer. I couldn't think of what I had expected. I expected to throw up, which never happened. I expected to balloon all over, not just my stomach, and quickly...hasn't happened yet. I expected to have strange urges to eat certain things, hasn't happened either. I also expected to have wild mood swings and be set off by toilet paper commercial which I have evaded for the most part. What I never expected was to break out like a 15 year old boy, or to have one boob grow twice as much as the other. I never expected the sudden fatigue or how easily I would get wiped out doing leg work outs. I didn't expect to feel normal at any point during the day or to feel like I wasn't actually pregnant for even a second. Nor did I expect my gigantic appetite, which I really don't mind :)
All in all, I think my lack of forethought prevented me from having many expectations. This has been as much of a learning opportunity for me as it has been a life lesson.
I'm noticing more dramatic changes lately. I hopped on the stationary bike at my gym, set it to the normal routine at the normal resistance and had to drop it down 2 points less than 10 minutes in because I was so winded. Have I mentioned that I could lunge circles around anyone less than 6 months ago? I hadn't ever needed to lower the resistance on the bike up til this point. I still smoked the people on either side of me in time though. I'll take my ego boosts where I can get them!
Other women with kids have started looking at me with warm smiles and offering their advice or reminiscing about when they were pregnant. Its actually been kind cool. Mostly I like imagining them being pregnant and wondering how much their body's morphed. Most of them don't look so good.... Is it rude to ask for before pictures?
I've been feeling my muscles stretch a lot lately. I wake up with some soreness usually. My appetite has increased a LOT. For example, I went for a walk after work today, came home and ate a spinach ricotta calzone and then a bowl of rasin bran. It's pretty unpredictable. Sometimes I can have a sandwich and be full for hours, other times I can have eggs, potatoes and toast and be hungry in an hour. No wonder I can gain 4lbs in one week and .5 in another. My hips get pretty sore after walking for a while, nothing unbearable though. Just enough to make me dread the culmination of pregnancy.
Things with Cesar have been great lately. Despite the negative things I hear from people who believe they know me best, I feel more confident with our relationship and our future together as a family. We've started thinking about names and have agreed on some. It is a lot harder than it seems.
Someone asked me last week if being pregnant was what I had expected. I was shocked to find out I couldn't answer. I couldn't think of what I had expected. I expected to throw up, which never happened. I expected to balloon all over, not just my stomach, and quickly...hasn't happened yet. I expected to have strange urges to eat certain things, hasn't happened either. I also expected to have wild mood swings and be set off by toilet paper commercial which I have evaded for the most part. What I never expected was to break out like a 15 year old boy, or to have one boob grow twice as much as the other. I never expected the sudden fatigue or how easily I would get wiped out doing leg work outs. I didn't expect to feel normal at any point during the day or to feel like I wasn't actually pregnant for even a second. Nor did I expect my gigantic appetite, which I really don't mind :)
All in all, I think my lack of forethought prevented me from having many expectations. This has been as much of a learning opportunity for me as it has been a life lesson.
I'm noticing more dramatic changes lately. I hopped on the stationary bike at my gym, set it to the normal routine at the normal resistance and had to drop it down 2 points less than 10 minutes in because I was so winded. Have I mentioned that I could lunge circles around anyone less than 6 months ago? I hadn't ever needed to lower the resistance on the bike up til this point. I still smoked the people on either side of me in time though. I'll take my ego boosts where I can get them!
Other women with kids have started looking at me with warm smiles and offering their advice or reminiscing about when they were pregnant. Its actually been kind cool. Mostly I like imagining them being pregnant and wondering how much their body's morphed. Most of them don't look so good.... Is it rude to ask for before pictures?
I've been feeling my muscles stretch a lot lately. I wake up with some soreness usually. My appetite has increased a LOT. For example, I went for a walk after work today, came home and ate a spinach ricotta calzone and then a bowl of rasin bran. It's pretty unpredictable. Sometimes I can have a sandwich and be full for hours, other times I can have eggs, potatoes and toast and be hungry in an hour. No wonder I can gain 4lbs in one week and .5 in another. My hips get pretty sore after walking for a while, nothing unbearable though. Just enough to make me dread the culmination of pregnancy.
Things with Cesar have been great lately. Despite the negative things I hear from people who believe they know me best, I feel more confident with our relationship and our future together as a family. We've started thinking about names and have agreed on some. It is a lot harder than it seems.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Week 20
Current Weight: 152...whoops
Didn't get a chance to update last week since I wanted to wait until after our ultrasound. In case you haven't heard IT'S A BOY!!! We got to see him wiggling around. He's pretty active in there.
Went to San Francisco this weekend. It was really nice to get out of my normal routine and take my mind off of the baby a little bit. I'm sure he slept the whole time since I was up and walking around practically the entire time. I did get my first artical of baby clothing on the trip: a onsie that read "Alcatraz Reject: Too Cute" har har. By the way, if you're ever pregnant in the San Francisco area, go to Ghiradelli.
Now I'm home and still exhausted. Haven't had a chance to rest yet. Driving back and forth to LA is exhausting.
I'm finally starting to look a little more pregnant, though I still look mostly like I've got a beer belly. My skin looks like it might be heading back towards normal. Can't say if its due to a change in products or readjusting of hormones. I read somewhere online that between this week and next my boy will grow FOUR INCHES. Considering he normally grows about 1 inch or so per week, this is a gigantic increase. May explain my appetite/increased weight gain (a girl can dream).
Right now a nap sounds amazing...and then some soup in a bread bowl *drool*. Maybe I'll come up with the perfect baby boy name :)
Didn't get a chance to update last week since I wanted to wait until after our ultrasound. In case you haven't heard IT'S A BOY!!! We got to see him wiggling around. He's pretty active in there.
Went to San Francisco this weekend. It was really nice to get out of my normal routine and take my mind off of the baby a little bit. I'm sure he slept the whole time since I was up and walking around practically the entire time. I did get my first artical of baby clothing on the trip: a onsie that read "Alcatraz Reject: Too Cute" har har. By the way, if you're ever pregnant in the San Francisco area, go to Ghiradelli.
Now I'm home and still exhausted. Haven't had a chance to rest yet. Driving back and forth to LA is exhausting.
I'm finally starting to look a little more pregnant, though I still look mostly like I've got a beer belly. My skin looks like it might be heading back towards normal. Can't say if its due to a change in products or readjusting of hormones. I read somewhere online that between this week and next my boy will grow FOUR INCHES. Considering he normally grows about 1 inch or so per week, this is a gigantic increase. May explain my appetite/increased weight gain (a girl can dream).
Right now a nap sounds amazing...and then some soup in a bread bowl *drool*. Maybe I'll come up with the perfect baby boy name :)
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Week 18
Weight: 146 (-.5 from last week)
After feeling like I could never stop eating last week, I think this week I have finally been satiated. From time to time I worry that I haven't eaten enough but then I remember that I forget a lot of what I've eaten...pregnancy brain.
I attempted to make my own maternity clothes last week. I failed. Lesson learned: I am not a seamstress. That is a-ok with me; ebay and I have been doing fiiiine. I got a couple shirts for $15 TOTAL (including shipping) both brand name. So sewing isn't my gift, maybe bargain hunting is...the jury is still out. Thanks to my mom I have some lovely maternity clothes that I can wear to work or in real life. However I will say that most of the maternity clothes out there in the world are made for old women who, by the way, aren't the ones having babies. To my talented friends, please start designing cute maternity clothes immediately.
As some of you may have heard, via my obnoxious harassment, I am no officially a Mark by Avon representative. So if you are in the market for some skin care products, make up, clothes, jewelry or other adorable accessories head on over to: www.mymarkstore.com/awaxler I've used a lot of their products on myself so I'm happy to make educated reccomendation. OK enough soliciting.
I still don't feel like I've popped. Still toting around a super cute beer belly. Good thing is, I've been able to sucessfully hide it from people I'm not ready to be judged by. Thats actually been the hardest thing of all. Feeling judgement by people who I used to be able to turn to for support. To all of you who judge me, or think I'm stupid: an abortion was never in the question for me. I think it is a cowardly way out. So take your negativity and suck it. If you know me at all, you know I'm capable of making it on my own and I always have.
St Patrick's day was yesterday. A day Cesar and I have never survived. That is until now. We finally did it! I know its been completely different this round but this was a small victory for us. We hung out a friend's house drinking green beer (for him) and green water (for me...I don't reccomend it). We're also going to a family party for his cousin this weekend which will be interesting. Sure wish I spoke Spanish. His dad still doesn't know about the pregnancy which makes things all that more uncomfortable. Cut to: me digging through my closet to find a circus tent.
Physically I don't feel much different but I keep catching other pople "sneaking" glances at my stomach. You know when a guy looks at your boobs and you can totally tell? The belly is no different. It is especially odd from people I haven't told, even weirder when I know they know but they've still said nothing to me. I know who you are and where you sleep! man up! If you know, you can say something to me. You're probably my friend.
Off to attempt a hem on some pants. <3
p.s. the spell check button has vanished...my apologies.
After feeling like I could never stop eating last week, I think this week I have finally been satiated. From time to time I worry that I haven't eaten enough but then I remember that I forget a lot of what I've eaten...pregnancy brain.
I attempted to make my own maternity clothes last week. I failed. Lesson learned: I am not a seamstress. That is a-ok with me; ebay and I have been doing fiiiine. I got a couple shirts for $15 TOTAL (including shipping) both brand name. So sewing isn't my gift, maybe bargain hunting is...the jury is still out. Thanks to my mom I have some lovely maternity clothes that I can wear to work or in real life. However I will say that most of the maternity clothes out there in the world are made for old women who, by the way, aren't the ones having babies. To my talented friends, please start designing cute maternity clothes immediately.
As some of you may have heard, via my obnoxious harassment, I am no officially a Mark by Avon representative. So if you are in the market for some skin care products, make up, clothes, jewelry or other adorable accessories head on over to: www.mymarkstore.com/awaxler I've used a lot of their products on myself so I'm happy to make educated reccomendation. OK enough soliciting.
I still don't feel like I've popped. Still toting around a super cute beer belly. Good thing is, I've been able to sucessfully hide it from people I'm not ready to be judged by. Thats actually been the hardest thing of all. Feeling judgement by people who I used to be able to turn to for support. To all of you who judge me, or think I'm stupid: an abortion was never in the question for me. I think it is a cowardly way out. So take your negativity and suck it. If you know me at all, you know I'm capable of making it on my own and I always have.
St Patrick's day was yesterday. A day Cesar and I have never survived. That is until now. We finally did it! I know its been completely different this round but this was a small victory for us. We hung out a friend's house drinking green beer (for him) and green water (for me...I don't reccomend it). We're also going to a family party for his cousin this weekend which will be interesting. Sure wish I spoke Spanish. His dad still doesn't know about the pregnancy which makes things all that more uncomfortable. Cut to: me digging through my closet to find a circus tent.
Physically I don't feel much different but I keep catching other pople "sneaking" glances at my stomach. You know when a guy looks at your boobs and you can totally tell? The belly is no different. It is especially odd from people I haven't told, even weirder when I know they know but they've still said nothing to me. I know who you are and where you sleep! man up! If you know, you can say something to me. You're probably my friend.
Off to attempt a hem on some pants. <3
p.s. the spell check button has vanished...my apologies.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Week 17
Weight: 146.5 (+1.5 from last week)
I wake up each morning with anticipation like that of a child on Christmas morning. Waiting for my belly to "pop". Truly, the idea of a human (about the size of the palm of your hand right now) growing inside of me is still very surreal. The day I finally look pregnancy will be the day people at work stop giving me the "put down the milkshakes" look. I still honestly feel like maybe I'll escape the entire 9 months without my skin stretching to it's breaking point (did I use the apostrophe correctly, mom?).
So far, this week:
Physically I can't arch my back to stretch it without my abdomen feeling like it will snap. I eat like I'm not carrying a child but rather a fetal hippo, and I've gotten a bloody nose. That's the worst of it though, thank God. Wait...I lied. I tried doing lunges and nearly passed out. Considering 5 months ago I could lunge circles around any of yous, this is a huge deal. So, I resign myself to lots of walking, which I really don't mind. I'd like to get some prenatal DVDs soon. I've thought of looking for a class in town BUT from my past experience, yoga makes people fart, as does pregnancy...just seems like asking for trouble. I figure, I'll keep my gas confined to my apartment...and car.
Emotionally/mentally I am terrified of the idea of having a teenager. Have you met teenagers?They're gross.
Two weeks until we find out the sex. Cesar and I are pretty excited to see what we'll have. Any bets?
I wake up each morning with anticipation like that of a child on Christmas morning. Waiting for my belly to "pop". Truly, the idea of a human (about the size of the palm of your hand right now) growing inside of me is still very surreal. The day I finally look pregnancy will be the day people at work stop giving me the "put down the milkshakes" look. I still honestly feel like maybe I'll escape the entire 9 months without my skin stretching to it's breaking point (did I use the apostrophe correctly, mom?).
So far, this week:
Physically I can't arch my back to stretch it without my abdomen feeling like it will snap. I eat like I'm not carrying a child but rather a fetal hippo, and I've gotten a bloody nose. That's the worst of it though, thank God. Wait...I lied. I tried doing lunges and nearly passed out. Considering 5 months ago I could lunge circles around any of yous, this is a huge deal. So, I resign myself to lots of walking, which I really don't mind. I'd like to get some prenatal DVDs soon. I've thought of looking for a class in town BUT from my past experience, yoga makes people fart, as does pregnancy...just seems like asking for trouble. I figure, I'll keep my gas confined to my apartment...and car.
Emotionally/mentally I am terrified of the idea of having a teenager. Have you met teenagers?They're gross.
Two weeks until we find out the sex. Cesar and I are pretty excited to see what we'll have. Any bets?
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Week 16
Current weight gain: 145 (+7 lbs) its a good thing, jealous??
As humbling as it is to share that number with the world, I decided that I should start tracking that. Maybe it will keep my ass from getting too fat. Here's hoping!
Physically, I feel pretty normal, like nothing is different. It's weird, almost like maybe the doctor, nurse, ultrasound techs, and Dopplers were all confused and there isn't really a little creature growing in my uterus. Sometimes I think it would be great if that were true, sometimes my curiosity can't wait to meet it. I'm also slightly convinced that my belly will stay smallish for the remaining 5 months. 4 months in and you can't really tell, so what's another 5 months of inconspicuous baby farming? It will save me a butt load on maternity "clothing" (still some of the most butt ugly stuff I've found). Anyone interested in partnering with me in a fashionable, flattering maternity line for the hip, young mom-to-be?
Emotionally, I'm a lot more down lately that I'm used to. If I said it before, I'll say it again, everything is different. I can't quit my wretched job because I need the "paycheck" and the health insurance (dear Mr. president...), I have to move, relationships are much more fluid than I thought they would be. I get scared to feel too sad, negative or stressed because someone, somewhere, that one time told me it effects baby. Like that isn't supposed to stress me out?! hullooooo??
On the up side, people I thought would be sure to focus on the negative have surprised me. I get more phone calls and text messages from some people than I would have expected and it makes all the difference in the world when I'm having a me-vs-the-world day. Then there are the people who are AMAZING at making me forget about this situation all together.
Most of my free time has been going towards eating, looking for a place to live, and walking. I spent an hour at Ross today doing 2 of those things. Bonus work out? Yes please. I was panged with my first feeling of guilt when I spent money on myself. I don't look forward to more of that. You know when you're watching moms who you can tell used to be kinda cute but now they resort to wearing their husband's old t-shirts and baggy tapered jeans? Can I survey them to ask how they got there so I can avoid it? You are all on the look out! Thankfully I have no husband to steal clothes from and Cesar and I are the same size...for now...skinny bastard.
I realized yesterday, I haven't had a drink in 4 months. It really isn't a long time and I didn't drink much beforehand...but think about it. When was the last time you had a drink? After a stressful day? In celebration? For fun with friends? With dinner? Next time you have a cold one, think of me and the little one and then have another one for me. Also know that every time I have a glass of water, I am not thinking of you, because I hate you and your wine glass. You can't tell, but I'm sticking my tongue out and making an amazingly bratty face at you too.
As humbling as it is to share that number with the world, I decided that I should start tracking that. Maybe it will keep my ass from getting too fat. Here's hoping!
Physically, I feel pretty normal, like nothing is different. It's weird, almost like maybe the doctor, nurse, ultrasound techs, and Dopplers were all confused and there isn't really a little creature growing in my uterus. Sometimes I think it would be great if that were true, sometimes my curiosity can't wait to meet it. I'm also slightly convinced that my belly will stay smallish for the remaining 5 months. 4 months in and you can't really tell, so what's another 5 months of inconspicuous baby farming? It will save me a butt load on maternity "clothing" (still some of the most butt ugly stuff I've found). Anyone interested in partnering with me in a fashionable, flattering maternity line for the hip, young mom-to-be?
Emotionally, I'm a lot more down lately that I'm used to. If I said it before, I'll say it again, everything is different. I can't quit my wretched job because I need the "paycheck" and the health insurance (dear Mr. president...), I have to move, relationships are much more fluid than I thought they would be. I get scared to feel too sad, negative or stressed because someone, somewhere, that one time told me it effects baby. Like that isn't supposed to stress me out?! hullooooo??
On the up side, people I thought would be sure to focus on the negative have surprised me. I get more phone calls and text messages from some people than I would have expected and it makes all the difference in the world when I'm having a me-vs-the-world day. Then there are the people who are AMAZING at making me forget about this situation all together.
Most of my free time has been going towards eating, looking for a place to live, and walking. I spent an hour at Ross today doing 2 of those things. Bonus work out? Yes please. I was panged with my first feeling of guilt when I spent money on myself. I don't look forward to more of that. You know when you're watching moms who you can tell used to be kinda cute but now they resort to wearing their husband's old t-shirts and baggy tapered jeans? Can I survey them to ask how they got there so I can avoid it? You are all on the look out! Thankfully I have no husband to steal clothes from and Cesar and I are the same size...for now...skinny bastard.
I realized yesterday, I haven't had a drink in 4 months. It really isn't a long time and I didn't drink much beforehand...but think about it. When was the last time you had a drink? After a stressful day? In celebration? For fun with friends? With dinner? Next time you have a cold one, think of me and the little one and then have another one for me. Also know that every time I have a glass of water, I am not thinking of you, because I hate you and your wine glass. You can't tell, but I'm sticking my tongue out and making an amazingly bratty face at you too.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Week 15
I must look like I have gained about 15 lbs in my stomach only. Okay, so I've actually gained about 5-7 but ALL in my gut. I look like I enjoy a good 18 pack every now and later. I'm keeping calm by telling myself that this excess blubber is there so I stretch more easily in the next few months.
The more I experience and learn the more respect I have for my parents, especially my mom. I also loathe celebrities more. They make pregnancy look glamorous and easy. I gotta tell ya, and I've said it before : EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT WHEN YOU'RE PREGNANT! Sinuses get dried out, headaches come on for no reason, you're tired no matter how much you sleep (past that now, yay!), you're hungry at unpredictable times with shocking intensity, moods aren't always reliable, acne acne acne, dry skin, teeth and gums hurt, heartburn regardless of what you eat, gas regardless of what you eat, occasional faintness, absent mindedness, and not to mention the stuff going on below the waist...yuck. Not to sound like a whiner, but I'm sick of women making this sound like the most beautiful pleasant experience. New mission of my blog, spread the word about the actual reality of pregnancy.
I've been getting the gym a couple times a week, not what I used to do but I think its still good. How many pregnant chicks do you see at the gym? ha! That's what I thought.
I'm starting to bust out of my pants (insert sarcastic "yay" here). I am eating a lot more balanced. Still hungry a lot but I'm trying to manage. Food bill is getting more expensive (sarcastic "yay" again).
I'm still stuck on where to live. My parents have mentioned helping me buy a house which seems like a great option. It also seems scary to be a new home owner and a new mom. I have had a couple people offer to let me stay with them but I would feel like a burden to them. Wants to live with a new/working mom AND a newborn? Not me. Hectic hectic hectic.
On another note, I finally found a part of target that sucks: the maternity section. The clothes look like they're for women in their 40s. Are those women having babies? Doubtful. Sucky. I'm on a mission to be a cute pregnant woman without spending a fortune on Heidi Klum's line or the like.
I had a crappy day at work, think it might be reflected in my writing. I'm still determined to get out of there while I still can. Wish me luck!
The more I experience and learn the more respect I have for my parents, especially my mom. I also loathe celebrities more. They make pregnancy look glamorous and easy. I gotta tell ya, and I've said it before : EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT WHEN YOU'RE PREGNANT! Sinuses get dried out, headaches come on for no reason, you're tired no matter how much you sleep (past that now, yay!), you're hungry at unpredictable times with shocking intensity, moods aren't always reliable, acne acne acne, dry skin, teeth and gums hurt, heartburn regardless of what you eat, gas regardless of what you eat, occasional faintness, absent mindedness, and not to mention the stuff going on below the waist...yuck. Not to sound like a whiner, but I'm sick of women making this sound like the most beautiful pleasant experience. New mission of my blog, spread the word about the actual reality of pregnancy.
I've been getting the gym a couple times a week, not what I used to do but I think its still good. How many pregnant chicks do you see at the gym? ha! That's what I thought.
I'm starting to bust out of my pants (insert sarcastic "yay" here). I am eating a lot more balanced. Still hungry a lot but I'm trying to manage. Food bill is getting more expensive (sarcastic "yay" again).
I'm still stuck on where to live. My parents have mentioned helping me buy a house which seems like a great option. It also seems scary to be a new home owner and a new mom. I have had a couple people offer to let me stay with them but I would feel like a burden to them. Wants to live with a new/working mom AND a newborn? Not me. Hectic hectic hectic.
On another note, I finally found a part of target that sucks: the maternity section. The clothes look like they're for women in their 40s. Are those women having babies? Doubtful. Sucky. I'm on a mission to be a cute pregnant woman without spending a fortune on Heidi Klum's line or the like.
I had a crappy day at work, think it might be reflected in my writing. I'm still determined to get out of there while I still can. Wish me luck!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Week 14
This has been a pretty easy week. Hooray! I will say though, that pregnancy makes everything different. I was suddenly overcome with inflamed sinuses and a simultaneously runny nose. Surprise surprise, its pregnancy related and even better, no medicine for it. Cesar was sweet enough to buy me a Neti Pot to help out. Seems my sinuses are too clogged right now. But really that has been the toughest physical thing so far. yay!
I've started to notice that spicy food makes me feel little "twangs" in my abdomen. The closest thing I can compare it to is someone playing the harp on my abdominal muscles. Not too painful, just shocking and uncomfortable. Guess someone is starting to move around. Get used to the spciy food now, little bean!!!
6 more weeks and we should be able to find out the gender! Pretty exciting but it seems like those weeks are going to tick by pretty slowly. Time seems to have a different way of passing now. These 14 weeks seems to have taken forever and yet, I'm not even halfway through yet. Part of me wishes the rest of the time would just hurry up and be overwith, the other half doesn't want to be at the end yet.
I've had a couple of dreams recently about birth. Both dreams had me sleeping through the entire process, waking up after it had all been done and not realizing I'd even had the baby yet. The first dream had me wake up to Cesar who had named our daughter without discussing it with me...because I had slept through labor. The second had me sleeping through the contractions, birth, everything. I woke up after labor with nothing to show but some extremely sagging skin on my tummy. I never saw the baby in either dream. Think it means anything?
I've been hungry so frequently it has been hard to get used to. Dr. Yeo says to be careful during my 2nd trimester to ensure I don't gain unecessary weight or become diabetic. He also told me the worst news I'd heard in a while...watch out for the carbs...BIG TIME. Does he know who I am? I could eat a loaf of bread for every meal of the day. This was devestating news, harder still was explaining to Cesar what carbs are. Ah well, all for the greater good. I'm doing everything I can do eat well and get lots of nutritious meals.
Anyhoo, pretty boring week other than the creepy dreams. Off to bed.
<3
I've started to notice that spicy food makes me feel little "twangs" in my abdomen. The closest thing I can compare it to is someone playing the harp on my abdominal muscles. Not too painful, just shocking and uncomfortable. Guess someone is starting to move around. Get used to the spciy food now, little bean!!!
6 more weeks and we should be able to find out the gender! Pretty exciting but it seems like those weeks are going to tick by pretty slowly. Time seems to have a different way of passing now. These 14 weeks seems to have taken forever and yet, I'm not even halfway through yet. Part of me wishes the rest of the time would just hurry up and be overwith, the other half doesn't want to be at the end yet.
I've had a couple of dreams recently about birth. Both dreams had me sleeping through the entire process, waking up after it had all been done and not realizing I'd even had the baby yet. The first dream had me wake up to Cesar who had named our daughter without discussing it with me...because I had slept through labor. The second had me sleeping through the contractions, birth, everything. I woke up after labor with nothing to show but some extremely sagging skin on my tummy. I never saw the baby in either dream. Think it means anything?
I've been hungry so frequently it has been hard to get used to. Dr. Yeo says to be careful during my 2nd trimester to ensure I don't gain unecessary weight or become diabetic. He also told me the worst news I'd heard in a while...watch out for the carbs...BIG TIME. Does he know who I am? I could eat a loaf of bread for every meal of the day. This was devestating news, harder still was explaining to Cesar what carbs are. Ah well, all for the greater good. I'm doing everything I can do eat well and get lots of nutritious meals.
Anyhoo, pretty boring week other than the creepy dreams. Off to bed.
<3
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Week 13
By request, for Johanna :)
This week has been a tough one, emotionally and spiritually.
I spoke with one of the pastors about being on the worship team and my relationship with Cesar. It stirred up a few things that I had pushed to the side to avoid thinking. He also said some beautiful things that I knew, but hearing them from someone who I respect and look to for guidance meant more than I would have thought. He gave me some things to think/pray/decide about and I am confident that I will finally start making some good decisions.
I bought myself a new outfit last night. Something I haven't done in about 13 weeks. I am happy to say that it was still my regular size and style. Every little bit helps me feel like my old self.
My emotions still don't feel too crazy, but my thoughts are still every where. One day I think that I will be a top notch mom, the next I think I couldn't possibly measure up. I'll still have to spend a lot of time planning and thinking of ways to make it work but either way, I want to do what I'm SUPPOSED to do.
In the meantime, I have been doing what I can to keep busy and feel like a normal 24 year old. Spent most of this week preparing for my Milk & Cookies fundraiser. Cooking, shopping, baking, frosting, decorating seemingly nonstop. It went SO well, the success made me feel empowered and like I am actually really really good at planning and putting on these events (the help and guests made a big difference). I got my gym drama handled...a load off thanks to Kristin. Haven't gotten anything by way of an apology from Robin and I doubt that I will. I don't know what to do about that. If you asked me today, I would have a hard time pretending like what she said was okay. It really sucks.
Still not really showing. Megan and I did a belly photo shoot a few weeks ago. Once I have a few months of comparison photos I'll post them so you can see my progress.
This week has been a tough one, emotionally and spiritually.
I spoke with one of the pastors about being on the worship team and my relationship with Cesar. It stirred up a few things that I had pushed to the side to avoid thinking. He also said some beautiful things that I knew, but hearing them from someone who I respect and look to for guidance meant more than I would have thought. He gave me some things to think/pray/decide about and I am confident that I will finally start making some good decisions.
I bought myself a new outfit last night. Something I haven't done in about 13 weeks. I am happy to say that it was still my regular size and style. Every little bit helps me feel like my old self.
My emotions still don't feel too crazy, but my thoughts are still every where. One day I think that I will be a top notch mom, the next I think I couldn't possibly measure up. I'll still have to spend a lot of time planning and thinking of ways to make it work but either way, I want to do what I'm SUPPOSED to do.
In the meantime, I have been doing what I can to keep busy and feel like a normal 24 year old. Spent most of this week preparing for my Milk & Cookies fundraiser. Cooking, shopping, baking, frosting, decorating seemingly nonstop. It went SO well, the success made me feel empowered and like I am actually really really good at planning and putting on these events (the help and guests made a big difference). I got my gym drama handled...a load off thanks to Kristin. Haven't gotten anything by way of an apology from Robin and I doubt that I will. I don't know what to do about that. If you asked me today, I would have a hard time pretending like what she said was okay. It really sucks.
Still not really showing. Megan and I did a belly photo shoot a few weeks ago. Once I have a few months of comparison photos I'll post them so you can see my progress.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Week 12
I got another ultra sound this week as part of some birth defect screening. The alien now looks like an actual person complete with big head (this has me concerned). It looks like he/she's is sucking its thumb.
Every now and then I can feel small, dull pains in my baby incubator. It is a foreign feeling and gives me little to look forward to come labor/delivery.
I'm still not really showing at all but I do feel fatter than normal. Who would have ever thought I would look forward to having a baby belly? I honestly feel like it will make this seem more real. Part of me still doesn't really believe that a person is growing inside of me.
No crazy cravings although I've noticed that I really don't want zucchini and ice cream seems like a perfectly viable dinner option. Not sure if that is pregnancy related or inner fat kid justification...
I'm still more irritable when it comes to dealing with normally annoying things. People and situations that are upsetting get to me a little bit more. I haven't had any crazy mood swings and don't think I'll start.
The stress of life now and in the future seems overwhelming. I don't know how anyone affords kids. After looking my budget over and over and over I don't see how it will work. Somehow I have to have faith that we'll get by.
I've started compiling a list of names, well...this probably started 4 weeks ago to be honest. I was tossing names out to friends and family but after getting some less than favorable reactions I've decided to keep this list to myself until I find out the gender. Cesar and I decided not to tell anyone the gender or the name. The thought of tons of pink/blue crap makes my stomach turn so I'm challenging my loved ones to be more creative than that.
Every now and then I can feel small, dull pains in my baby incubator. It is a foreign feeling and gives me little to look forward to come labor/delivery.
I'm still not really showing at all but I do feel fatter than normal. Who would have ever thought I would look forward to having a baby belly? I honestly feel like it will make this seem more real. Part of me still doesn't really believe that a person is growing inside of me.
No crazy cravings although I've noticed that I really don't want zucchini and ice cream seems like a perfectly viable dinner option. Not sure if that is pregnancy related or inner fat kid justification...
I'm still more irritable when it comes to dealing with normally annoying things. People and situations that are upsetting get to me a little bit more. I haven't had any crazy mood swings and don't think I'll start.
The stress of life now and in the future seems overwhelming. I don't know how anyone affords kids. After looking my budget over and over and over I don't see how it will work. Somehow I have to have faith that we'll get by.
I've started compiling a list of names, well...this probably started 4 weeks ago to be honest. I was tossing names out to friends and family but after getting some less than favorable reactions I've decided to keep this list to myself until I find out the gender. Cesar and I decided not to tell anyone the gender or the name. The thought of tons of pink/blue crap makes my stomach turn so I'm challenging my loved ones to be more creative than that.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Weeks 5-11
I've been too lazy to pick up a paper journal. so, considering that it is 2010 I'll skip the old fashion way for now and succumb to blogging through my remaining months.
The weeks leading up to now have been a lot easier than I had expected.
Week 5: Something is wrong. I feel like I should have gotten my period by now but I can't remember when it was. I am stressed about that but also have some other financial issues that have been stressing me out. Somehow I convince myself that all the stress is what has made my period late. Everyone says that I should relax, but how can anyone relax with those type of issues in the back of your mind?
After some of the denial has worn off I talk to April and she convinces me to take a pregnancy test. Having done this before, I hope for a similar outcome as I've had in the past. I find the least fake looking "diamond" ring I have, throw it on my ring finger in an attempt to avoid any looks that may be shot my way by judgemental clerks. After about an hour I get up the courage to pee. The box says to wait 3 minutes; I stare at it until I see 2 lines show up. I frantically grab the box to verify that I'm reading the results correctly and then fall on the floor shaking and crying. About 2 minutes later Cesar calls to let me know he and Anthony are on their way up before we go to dinner.
3 days after I find out about the little bean squatting inside of me I tell Cesar. He doesn't speak for a while. After a few attempts at trying to convince me to evict the little squatter we come to the agreement that we'll let it stay and try and prepare ourselves to be parents.
Week 6: First doctor's appointment. They confirm the pregnancy, feel around inside to estimate how far along I am, and give us a goody bag with vitamins and other sample baby stuff. We aren't good at thanking anyone for their congratulations. I haven't told anyone other than April yet. Cesar tells everyone he knows.
My boobs are more painful than I would have ever thought possible and for good reason. They seem to have doubled in size overnight. Cesar loves this, but I quickly swat away any roaming hand. My morning sickness comes to me in the afternoon and then revisits again after dinner. I never actually throw up, thank goodness, but the nausea is enough to knock me out. I start to feel extremely tired and yearning for a cup of coffee.
Week 7: My boobs are like grapefruits. Everything hurts them. I start sleeping in a sports bra and retire my normal 34-Cs and break out my Ds reluctantly. I try to avoid eating large meals after I make the link between them and my killer nausea. I tell Alli who never for a moment acts concerned, only happy. Such a relief. Except it means no drinking for us at the Lady Gaga concert or at other Christmas parties.
Week 8: First ultrasound. The bean looks like an alien. April comes with me to a pro-life clinic for a free look at the alien. I start telling people at work by showing them my ultrasound. They all seem pretty excited.
Week 9: On my way to work I tell my Dad. After a little freaking out he starts to warm up to the idea. Him and my Mom text me nonstop for the rest of the day. My emotions are starting to feel a little more exaggerated.
Week 10: Nausea is much more bearable and my boobs hurt much less. I feel more human aside from my exhaustion. I tell my small group and worship team leaders. This is probably the hardest thing I've had to do. Up til now I've masted getting the news out without bursting into tears. I've also noticed that everyone has become incredibly annoying lately.
Week 11: Nausea is completely gone and has been replaced with seemingly never ending hunger. I can stay awake finally! I feel much more human. Cesar's mom starts making me little snacks and breakfasts when I'm around. She thinks I'm not eating enough...she doesn't know me very well. Emotions don't do any swinging but feel much stronger. I feel bloated, gassy and wish I at least had a baby belly to make it seem real.
The weeks leading up to now have been a lot easier than I had expected.
Week 5: Something is wrong. I feel like I should have gotten my period by now but I can't remember when it was. I am stressed about that but also have some other financial issues that have been stressing me out. Somehow I convince myself that all the stress is what has made my period late. Everyone says that I should relax, but how can anyone relax with those type of issues in the back of your mind?
After some of the denial has worn off I talk to April and she convinces me to take a pregnancy test. Having done this before, I hope for a similar outcome as I've had in the past. I find the least fake looking "diamond" ring I have, throw it on my ring finger in an attempt to avoid any looks that may be shot my way by judgemental clerks. After about an hour I get up the courage to pee. The box says to wait 3 minutes; I stare at it until I see 2 lines show up. I frantically grab the box to verify that I'm reading the results correctly and then fall on the floor shaking and crying. About 2 minutes later Cesar calls to let me know he and Anthony are on their way up before we go to dinner.
3 days after I find out about the little bean squatting inside of me I tell Cesar. He doesn't speak for a while. After a few attempts at trying to convince me to evict the little squatter we come to the agreement that we'll let it stay and try and prepare ourselves to be parents.
Week 6: First doctor's appointment. They confirm the pregnancy, feel around inside to estimate how far along I am, and give us a goody bag with vitamins and other sample baby stuff. We aren't good at thanking anyone for their congratulations. I haven't told anyone other than April yet. Cesar tells everyone he knows.
My boobs are more painful than I would have ever thought possible and for good reason. They seem to have doubled in size overnight. Cesar loves this, but I quickly swat away any roaming hand. My morning sickness comes to me in the afternoon and then revisits again after dinner. I never actually throw up, thank goodness, but the nausea is enough to knock me out. I start to feel extremely tired and yearning for a cup of coffee.
Week 7: My boobs are like grapefruits. Everything hurts them. I start sleeping in a sports bra and retire my normal 34-Cs and break out my Ds reluctantly. I try to avoid eating large meals after I make the link between them and my killer nausea. I tell Alli who never for a moment acts concerned, only happy. Such a relief. Except it means no drinking for us at the Lady Gaga concert or at other Christmas parties.
Week 8: First ultrasound. The bean looks like an alien. April comes with me to a pro-life clinic for a free look at the alien. I start telling people at work by showing them my ultrasound. They all seem pretty excited.
Week 9: On my way to work I tell my Dad. After a little freaking out he starts to warm up to the idea. Him and my Mom text me nonstop for the rest of the day. My emotions are starting to feel a little more exaggerated.
Week 10: Nausea is much more bearable and my boobs hurt much less. I feel more human aside from my exhaustion. I tell my small group and worship team leaders. This is probably the hardest thing I've had to do. Up til now I've masted getting the news out without bursting into tears. I've also noticed that everyone has become incredibly annoying lately.
Week 11: Nausea is completely gone and has been replaced with seemingly never ending hunger. I can stay awake finally! I feel much more human. Cesar's mom starts making me little snacks and breakfasts when I'm around. She thinks I'm not eating enough...she doesn't know me very well. Emotions don't do any swinging but feel much stronger. I feel bloated, gassy and wish I at least had a baby belly to make it seem real.
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