By request, for Johanna :)
This week has been a tough one, emotionally and spiritually.
I spoke with one of the pastors about being on the worship team and my relationship with Cesar. It stirred up a few things that I had pushed to the side to avoid thinking. He also said some beautiful things that I knew, but hearing them from someone who I respect and look to for guidance meant more than I would have thought. He gave me some things to think/pray/decide about and I am confident that I will finally start making some good decisions.
I bought myself a new outfit last night. Something I haven't done in about 13 weeks. I am happy to say that it was still my regular size and style. Every little bit helps me feel like my old self.
My emotions still don't feel too crazy, but my thoughts are still every where. One day I think that I will be a top notch mom, the next I think I couldn't possibly measure up. I'll still have to spend a lot of time planning and thinking of ways to make it work but either way, I want to do what I'm SUPPOSED to do.
In the meantime, I have been doing what I can to keep busy and feel like a normal 24 year old. Spent most of this week preparing for my Milk & Cookies fundraiser. Cooking, shopping, baking, frosting, decorating seemingly nonstop. It went SO well, the success made me feel empowered and like I am actually really really good at planning and putting on these events (the help and guests made a big difference). I got my gym drama handled...a load off thanks to Kristin. Haven't gotten anything by way of an apology from Robin and I doubt that I will. I don't know what to do about that. If you asked me today, I would have a hard time pretending like what she said was okay. It really sucks.
Still not really showing. Megan and I did a belly photo shoot a few weeks ago. Once I have a few months of comparison photos I'll post them so you can see my progress.
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Merci! <3
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