I must look like I have gained about 15 lbs in my stomach only. Okay, so I've actually gained about 5-7 but ALL in my gut. I look like I enjoy a good 18 pack every now and later. I'm keeping calm by telling myself that this excess blubber is there so I stretch more easily in the next few months.
The more I experience and learn the more respect I have for my parents, especially my mom. I also loathe celebrities more. They make pregnancy look glamorous and easy. I gotta tell ya, and I've said it before : EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT WHEN YOU'RE PREGNANT! Sinuses get dried out, headaches come on for no reason, you're tired no matter how much you sleep (past that now, yay!), you're hungry at unpredictable times with shocking intensity, moods aren't always reliable, acne acne acne, dry skin, teeth and gums hurt, heartburn regardless of what you eat, gas regardless of what you eat, occasional faintness, absent mindedness, and not to mention the stuff going on below the waist...yuck. Not to sound like a whiner, but I'm sick of women making this sound like the most beautiful pleasant experience. New mission of my blog, spread the word about the actual reality of pregnancy.
I've been getting the gym a couple times a week, not what I used to do but I think its still good. How many pregnant chicks do you see at the gym? ha! That's what I thought.
I'm starting to bust out of my pants (insert sarcastic "yay" here). I am eating a lot more balanced. Still hungry a lot but I'm trying to manage. Food bill is getting more expensive (sarcastic "yay" again).
I'm still stuck on where to live. My parents have mentioned helping me buy a house which seems like a great option. It also seems scary to be a new home owner and a new mom. I have had a couple people offer to let me stay with them but I would feel like a burden to them. Wants to live with a new/working mom AND a newborn? Not me. Hectic hectic hectic.
On another note, I finally found a part of target that sucks: the maternity section. The clothes look like they're for women in their 40s. Are those women having babies? Doubtful. Sucky. I'm on a mission to be a cute pregnant woman without spending a fortune on Heidi Klum's line or the like.
I had a crappy day at work, think it might be reflected in my writing. I'm still determined to get out of there while I still can. Wish me luck!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Week 14
This has been a pretty easy week. Hooray! I will say though, that pregnancy makes everything different. I was suddenly overcome with inflamed sinuses and a simultaneously runny nose. Surprise surprise, its pregnancy related and even better, no medicine for it. Cesar was sweet enough to buy me a Neti Pot to help out. Seems my sinuses are too clogged right now. But really that has been the toughest physical thing so far. yay!
I've started to notice that spicy food makes me feel little "twangs" in my abdomen. The closest thing I can compare it to is someone playing the harp on my abdominal muscles. Not too painful, just shocking and uncomfortable. Guess someone is starting to move around. Get used to the spciy food now, little bean!!!
6 more weeks and we should be able to find out the gender! Pretty exciting but it seems like those weeks are going to tick by pretty slowly. Time seems to have a different way of passing now. These 14 weeks seems to have taken forever and yet, I'm not even halfway through yet. Part of me wishes the rest of the time would just hurry up and be overwith, the other half doesn't want to be at the end yet.
I've had a couple of dreams recently about birth. Both dreams had me sleeping through the entire process, waking up after it had all been done and not realizing I'd even had the baby yet. The first dream had me wake up to Cesar who had named our daughter without discussing it with me...because I had slept through labor. The second had me sleeping through the contractions, birth, everything. I woke up after labor with nothing to show but some extremely sagging skin on my tummy. I never saw the baby in either dream. Think it means anything?
I've been hungry so frequently it has been hard to get used to. Dr. Yeo says to be careful during my 2nd trimester to ensure I don't gain unecessary weight or become diabetic. He also told me the worst news I'd heard in a while...watch out for the carbs...BIG TIME. Does he know who I am? I could eat a loaf of bread for every meal of the day. This was devestating news, harder still was explaining to Cesar what carbs are. Ah well, all for the greater good. I'm doing everything I can do eat well and get lots of nutritious meals.
Anyhoo, pretty boring week other than the creepy dreams. Off to bed.
<3
I've started to notice that spicy food makes me feel little "twangs" in my abdomen. The closest thing I can compare it to is someone playing the harp on my abdominal muscles. Not too painful, just shocking and uncomfortable. Guess someone is starting to move around. Get used to the spciy food now, little bean!!!
6 more weeks and we should be able to find out the gender! Pretty exciting but it seems like those weeks are going to tick by pretty slowly. Time seems to have a different way of passing now. These 14 weeks seems to have taken forever and yet, I'm not even halfway through yet. Part of me wishes the rest of the time would just hurry up and be overwith, the other half doesn't want to be at the end yet.
I've had a couple of dreams recently about birth. Both dreams had me sleeping through the entire process, waking up after it had all been done and not realizing I'd even had the baby yet. The first dream had me wake up to Cesar who had named our daughter without discussing it with me...because I had slept through labor. The second had me sleeping through the contractions, birth, everything. I woke up after labor with nothing to show but some extremely sagging skin on my tummy. I never saw the baby in either dream. Think it means anything?
I've been hungry so frequently it has been hard to get used to. Dr. Yeo says to be careful during my 2nd trimester to ensure I don't gain unecessary weight or become diabetic. He also told me the worst news I'd heard in a while...watch out for the carbs...BIG TIME. Does he know who I am? I could eat a loaf of bread for every meal of the day. This was devestating news, harder still was explaining to Cesar what carbs are. Ah well, all for the greater good. I'm doing everything I can do eat well and get lots of nutritious meals.
Anyhoo, pretty boring week other than the creepy dreams. Off to bed.
<3
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Week 13
By request, for Johanna :)
This week has been a tough one, emotionally and spiritually.
I spoke with one of the pastors about being on the worship team and my relationship with Cesar. It stirred up a few things that I had pushed to the side to avoid thinking. He also said some beautiful things that I knew, but hearing them from someone who I respect and look to for guidance meant more than I would have thought. He gave me some things to think/pray/decide about and I am confident that I will finally start making some good decisions.
I bought myself a new outfit last night. Something I haven't done in about 13 weeks. I am happy to say that it was still my regular size and style. Every little bit helps me feel like my old self.
My emotions still don't feel too crazy, but my thoughts are still every where. One day I think that I will be a top notch mom, the next I think I couldn't possibly measure up. I'll still have to spend a lot of time planning and thinking of ways to make it work but either way, I want to do what I'm SUPPOSED to do.
In the meantime, I have been doing what I can to keep busy and feel like a normal 24 year old. Spent most of this week preparing for my Milk & Cookies fundraiser. Cooking, shopping, baking, frosting, decorating seemingly nonstop. It went SO well, the success made me feel empowered and like I am actually really really good at planning and putting on these events (the help and guests made a big difference). I got my gym drama handled...a load off thanks to Kristin. Haven't gotten anything by way of an apology from Robin and I doubt that I will. I don't know what to do about that. If you asked me today, I would have a hard time pretending like what she said was okay. It really sucks.
Still not really showing. Megan and I did a belly photo shoot a few weeks ago. Once I have a few months of comparison photos I'll post them so you can see my progress.
This week has been a tough one, emotionally and spiritually.
I spoke with one of the pastors about being on the worship team and my relationship with Cesar. It stirred up a few things that I had pushed to the side to avoid thinking. He also said some beautiful things that I knew, but hearing them from someone who I respect and look to for guidance meant more than I would have thought. He gave me some things to think/pray/decide about and I am confident that I will finally start making some good decisions.
I bought myself a new outfit last night. Something I haven't done in about 13 weeks. I am happy to say that it was still my regular size and style. Every little bit helps me feel like my old self.
My emotions still don't feel too crazy, but my thoughts are still every where. One day I think that I will be a top notch mom, the next I think I couldn't possibly measure up. I'll still have to spend a lot of time planning and thinking of ways to make it work but either way, I want to do what I'm SUPPOSED to do.
In the meantime, I have been doing what I can to keep busy and feel like a normal 24 year old. Spent most of this week preparing for my Milk & Cookies fundraiser. Cooking, shopping, baking, frosting, decorating seemingly nonstop. It went SO well, the success made me feel empowered and like I am actually really really good at planning and putting on these events (the help and guests made a big difference). I got my gym drama handled...a load off thanks to Kristin. Haven't gotten anything by way of an apology from Robin and I doubt that I will. I don't know what to do about that. If you asked me today, I would have a hard time pretending like what she said was okay. It really sucks.
Still not really showing. Megan and I did a belly photo shoot a few weeks ago. Once I have a few months of comparison photos I'll post them so you can see my progress.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Week 12
I got another ultra sound this week as part of some birth defect screening. The alien now looks like an actual person complete with big head (this has me concerned). It looks like he/she's is sucking its thumb.
Every now and then I can feel small, dull pains in my baby incubator. It is a foreign feeling and gives me little to look forward to come labor/delivery.
I'm still not really showing at all but I do feel fatter than normal. Who would have ever thought I would look forward to having a baby belly? I honestly feel like it will make this seem more real. Part of me still doesn't really believe that a person is growing inside of me.
No crazy cravings although I've noticed that I really don't want zucchini and ice cream seems like a perfectly viable dinner option. Not sure if that is pregnancy related or inner fat kid justification...
I'm still more irritable when it comes to dealing with normally annoying things. People and situations that are upsetting get to me a little bit more. I haven't had any crazy mood swings and don't think I'll start.
The stress of life now and in the future seems overwhelming. I don't know how anyone affords kids. After looking my budget over and over and over I don't see how it will work. Somehow I have to have faith that we'll get by.
I've started compiling a list of names, well...this probably started 4 weeks ago to be honest. I was tossing names out to friends and family but after getting some less than favorable reactions I've decided to keep this list to myself until I find out the gender. Cesar and I decided not to tell anyone the gender or the name. The thought of tons of pink/blue crap makes my stomach turn so I'm challenging my loved ones to be more creative than that.
Every now and then I can feel small, dull pains in my baby incubator. It is a foreign feeling and gives me little to look forward to come labor/delivery.
I'm still not really showing at all but I do feel fatter than normal. Who would have ever thought I would look forward to having a baby belly? I honestly feel like it will make this seem more real. Part of me still doesn't really believe that a person is growing inside of me.
No crazy cravings although I've noticed that I really don't want zucchini and ice cream seems like a perfectly viable dinner option. Not sure if that is pregnancy related or inner fat kid justification...
I'm still more irritable when it comes to dealing with normally annoying things. People and situations that are upsetting get to me a little bit more. I haven't had any crazy mood swings and don't think I'll start.
The stress of life now and in the future seems overwhelming. I don't know how anyone affords kids. After looking my budget over and over and over I don't see how it will work. Somehow I have to have faith that we'll get by.
I've started compiling a list of names, well...this probably started 4 weeks ago to be honest. I was tossing names out to friends and family but after getting some less than favorable reactions I've decided to keep this list to myself until I find out the gender. Cesar and I decided not to tell anyone the gender or the name. The thought of tons of pink/blue crap makes my stomach turn so I'm challenging my loved ones to be more creative than that.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Weeks 5-11
I've been too lazy to pick up a paper journal. so, considering that it is 2010 I'll skip the old fashion way for now and succumb to blogging through my remaining months.
The weeks leading up to now have been a lot easier than I had expected.
Week 5: Something is wrong. I feel like I should have gotten my period by now but I can't remember when it was. I am stressed about that but also have some other financial issues that have been stressing me out. Somehow I convince myself that all the stress is what has made my period late. Everyone says that I should relax, but how can anyone relax with those type of issues in the back of your mind?
After some of the denial has worn off I talk to April and she convinces me to take a pregnancy test. Having done this before, I hope for a similar outcome as I've had in the past. I find the least fake looking "diamond" ring I have, throw it on my ring finger in an attempt to avoid any looks that may be shot my way by judgemental clerks. After about an hour I get up the courage to pee. The box says to wait 3 minutes; I stare at it until I see 2 lines show up. I frantically grab the box to verify that I'm reading the results correctly and then fall on the floor shaking and crying. About 2 minutes later Cesar calls to let me know he and Anthony are on their way up before we go to dinner.
3 days after I find out about the little bean squatting inside of me I tell Cesar. He doesn't speak for a while. After a few attempts at trying to convince me to evict the little squatter we come to the agreement that we'll let it stay and try and prepare ourselves to be parents.
Week 6: First doctor's appointment. They confirm the pregnancy, feel around inside to estimate how far along I am, and give us a goody bag with vitamins and other sample baby stuff. We aren't good at thanking anyone for their congratulations. I haven't told anyone other than April yet. Cesar tells everyone he knows.
My boobs are more painful than I would have ever thought possible and for good reason. They seem to have doubled in size overnight. Cesar loves this, but I quickly swat away any roaming hand. My morning sickness comes to me in the afternoon and then revisits again after dinner. I never actually throw up, thank goodness, but the nausea is enough to knock me out. I start to feel extremely tired and yearning for a cup of coffee.
Week 7: My boobs are like grapefruits. Everything hurts them. I start sleeping in a sports bra and retire my normal 34-Cs and break out my Ds reluctantly. I try to avoid eating large meals after I make the link between them and my killer nausea. I tell Alli who never for a moment acts concerned, only happy. Such a relief. Except it means no drinking for us at the Lady Gaga concert or at other Christmas parties.
Week 8: First ultrasound. The bean looks like an alien. April comes with me to a pro-life clinic for a free look at the alien. I start telling people at work by showing them my ultrasound. They all seem pretty excited.
Week 9: On my way to work I tell my Dad. After a little freaking out he starts to warm up to the idea. Him and my Mom text me nonstop for the rest of the day. My emotions are starting to feel a little more exaggerated.
Week 10: Nausea is much more bearable and my boobs hurt much less. I feel more human aside from my exhaustion. I tell my small group and worship team leaders. This is probably the hardest thing I've had to do. Up til now I've masted getting the news out without bursting into tears. I've also noticed that everyone has become incredibly annoying lately.
Week 11: Nausea is completely gone and has been replaced with seemingly never ending hunger. I can stay awake finally! I feel much more human. Cesar's mom starts making me little snacks and breakfasts when I'm around. She thinks I'm not eating enough...she doesn't know me very well. Emotions don't do any swinging but feel much stronger. I feel bloated, gassy and wish I at least had a baby belly to make it seem real.
The weeks leading up to now have been a lot easier than I had expected.
Week 5: Something is wrong. I feel like I should have gotten my period by now but I can't remember when it was. I am stressed about that but also have some other financial issues that have been stressing me out. Somehow I convince myself that all the stress is what has made my period late. Everyone says that I should relax, but how can anyone relax with those type of issues in the back of your mind?
After some of the denial has worn off I talk to April and she convinces me to take a pregnancy test. Having done this before, I hope for a similar outcome as I've had in the past. I find the least fake looking "diamond" ring I have, throw it on my ring finger in an attempt to avoid any looks that may be shot my way by judgemental clerks. After about an hour I get up the courage to pee. The box says to wait 3 minutes; I stare at it until I see 2 lines show up. I frantically grab the box to verify that I'm reading the results correctly and then fall on the floor shaking and crying. About 2 minutes later Cesar calls to let me know he and Anthony are on their way up before we go to dinner.
3 days after I find out about the little bean squatting inside of me I tell Cesar. He doesn't speak for a while. After a few attempts at trying to convince me to evict the little squatter we come to the agreement that we'll let it stay and try and prepare ourselves to be parents.
Week 6: First doctor's appointment. They confirm the pregnancy, feel around inside to estimate how far along I am, and give us a goody bag with vitamins and other sample baby stuff. We aren't good at thanking anyone for their congratulations. I haven't told anyone other than April yet. Cesar tells everyone he knows.
My boobs are more painful than I would have ever thought possible and for good reason. They seem to have doubled in size overnight. Cesar loves this, but I quickly swat away any roaming hand. My morning sickness comes to me in the afternoon and then revisits again after dinner. I never actually throw up, thank goodness, but the nausea is enough to knock me out. I start to feel extremely tired and yearning for a cup of coffee.
Week 7: My boobs are like grapefruits. Everything hurts them. I start sleeping in a sports bra and retire my normal 34-Cs and break out my Ds reluctantly. I try to avoid eating large meals after I make the link between them and my killer nausea. I tell Alli who never for a moment acts concerned, only happy. Such a relief. Except it means no drinking for us at the Lady Gaga concert or at other Christmas parties.
Week 8: First ultrasound. The bean looks like an alien. April comes with me to a pro-life clinic for a free look at the alien. I start telling people at work by showing them my ultrasound. They all seem pretty excited.
Week 9: On my way to work I tell my Dad. After a little freaking out he starts to warm up to the idea. Him and my Mom text me nonstop for the rest of the day. My emotions are starting to feel a little more exaggerated.
Week 10: Nausea is much more bearable and my boobs hurt much less. I feel more human aside from my exhaustion. I tell my small group and worship team leaders. This is probably the hardest thing I've had to do. Up til now I've masted getting the news out without bursting into tears. I've also noticed that everyone has become incredibly annoying lately.
Week 11: Nausea is completely gone and has been replaced with seemingly never ending hunger. I can stay awake finally! I feel much more human. Cesar's mom starts making me little snacks and breakfasts when I'm around. She thinks I'm not eating enough...she doesn't know me very well. Emotions don't do any swinging but feel much stronger. I feel bloated, gassy and wish I at least had a baby belly to make it seem real.
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