Week 16

Current weight gain: 145 (+7 lbs) its a good thing, jealous??

As humbling as it is to share that number with the world, I decided that I should start tracking that. Maybe it will keep my ass from getting too fat. Here's hoping!
Physically, I feel pretty normal, like nothing is different. It's weird, almost like maybe the doctor, nurse, ultrasound techs, and Dopplers were all confused and there isn't really a little creature growing in my uterus. Sometimes I think it would be great if that were true, sometimes my curiosity can't wait to meet it. I'm also slightly convinced that my belly will stay smallish for the remaining 5 months. 4 months in and you can't really tell, so what's another 5 months of inconspicuous baby farming? It will save me a butt load on maternity "clothing" (still some of the most butt ugly stuff I've found). Anyone interested in partnering with me in a fashionable, flattering maternity line for the hip, young mom-to-be?

Emotionally, I'm a lot more down lately that I'm used to. If I said it before, I'll say it again, everything is different. I can't quit my wretched job because I need the "paycheck" and the health insurance (dear Mr. president...), I have to move, relationships are much more fluid than I thought they would be. I get scared to feel too sad, negative or stressed because someone, somewhere, that one time told me it effects baby. Like that isn't supposed to stress me out?! hullooooo??
On the up side, people I thought would be sure to focus on the negative have surprised me. I get more phone calls and text messages from some people than I would have expected and it makes all the difference in the world when I'm having a me-vs-the-world day. Then there are the people who are AMAZING at making me forget about this situation all together.

Most of my free time has been going towards eating, looking for a place to live, and walking. I spent an hour at Ross today doing 2 of those things. Bonus work out? Yes please. I was panged with my first feeling of guilt when I spent money on myself. I don't look forward to more of that. You know when you're watching moms who you can tell used to be kinda cute but now they resort to wearing their husband's old t-shirts and baggy tapered jeans? Can I survey them to ask how they got there so I can avoid it? You are all on the look out! Thankfully I have no husband to steal clothes from and Cesar and I are the same size...for now...skinny bastard.

I realized yesterday, I haven't had a drink in 4 months. It really isn't a long time and I didn't drink much beforehand...but think about it. When was the last time you had a drink? After a stressful day? In celebration? For fun with friends? With dinner? Next time you have a cold one, think of me and the little one and then have another one for me. Also know that every time I have a glass of water, I am not thinking of you, because I hate you and your wine glass. You can't tell, but I'm sticking my tongue out and making an amazingly bratty face at you too.