3 weeks post delivery

Labor:

I went into labor around 3:00am on the 24th. My induction was scheduled for later that night. I will give Cesar credit for that. We had gotten into a fight about 2 hours prior to that. I wasn't sure I was in labor for a while. I had expected a different type of pain but when I couldn't fall asleep I began counting the minutes between pangs. After running it by Cesar' sister and mom we all agreed that I was in labor and packed up our things for the hospital. The hospital wasn't as scary as I had anticipated. The contractions, however, were much stronger than I was prepared for. I was okay for a while but once they began making me involuntarily tear up I opted for an epidural. Plus, I hadn't slept at all yet and thought that it would be wise of me to do what I could in order to get some sleep before the physically demanding part of labor began.
The epidural worked really well on the right side of my body and maybe about 10% on the left side. I was able to sleep but once the contractions started to get really strong and close together I was in a lot of pain. Maybe that was God's was of letting me feel less guilty about choosing to get some pain relief. By the time I was ready to push I had been in labor for 13 hours. Most of that time was spent either sleeping, watching "I Love Lucy", and talking to April (thank God she was there). Cesar spent most of that time eating breakfast with Norman and sleeping on a chair and waiting for April to do anything I asked of him.
Pushing didn't hurt at all. Now I can't be 100% certain that it wasn't because of the epidural but I figured that if I could feel the contractions I would be able to feel the pain of the actual delivery. It really felt like there was just a (pardon my graphic description) tampon that was coming out. I could feel something was there but it wasn't painful.  I don't know exactly how long I pushed for but it felt like maybe 10 minutes (not constantly pushing). Cesar and April were wonderful cheerleaders the whole time. Then WOOSH he was out! They put him on my stomach right away and I could only say "wow". He really didn't look as disgusting as I had prepared myself for. Cesar cut his umbilical cord after that and then they cleaned him up. By the way, if you have facebook, I highly recommend you view the photo of Cesar cutting the umbilical cord. His face is priceless.
After I looked over at the little guy, quietly laying in the little bucket and being weighed by the nurses, I couldn't not cry. It hit me that I wasn't pregnant anymore, now I had a baby. This prompted me to touch my now flattened belly and I stopped crying. It felt like melty jello; I couldn't help but laugh. From then on it was just a blur of nurses and family constantly cycling through the room. I don't know what papers I signed or who told me what. I was exhausted but couldn't/didn't want to sleep.
We went home the following night and I haven't slept since. Thank goodness for concealer.

Day Before Induction

So I lied, I'm posting one more blog since tonight is a big night. Tomorrow is my scheduled induction. There are so many things I'm feeling right now. I have gotten so used to being pregnant that I am having a hard time imagining what it'll be like to not have this little kicker bumping around all the time. I'm terrified of the entire hospital process too. I've never been a patient in the hospital, I've actually never even been inside of a hospital room at all. That scares me more than it should compared to everything else that begins tomorrow.
I spent the day putting together baby stuff. Topping off the diaper bag, hospital bag, making a final dinner, assembling a swing and play pen/changing table, and a bassinet. Car seat remains to be installed...its been too hot to go outside and try to hunch and twist to get it set up. I blame Cesar for its homeless status (and you can too).
I am actually starting to feel like my body is preparing for labor finally. I've been experiencing some of the less than pleasant signs. Among them is a lack of movement from our little dude. He has definitely slowed down but has not ceased head banging against my cervix. I've also increased bathroom trips from 1 or 2 a night to a definite 3. At least I'm used to not sleeping through the night already. Nervous nervous nervous.

Here's hoping the next couple of days (and years to follow) go well.

Week 40 1/7th

Yesterday was my due date and still no sign of baby. According to Dr. Yeo I am "still closed up." So we scheduled an induction for the 24th at 6pm. This brings about so many new feelings that I never thought to prepare for. When you prepare for having a baby you prepare to be unprepared but now we know where and when to expect our guy and I don't have to worry about my water breaking unexpectedly. It also takes a little bit of the magic out of the process. There is no element of surprise (although I'm sure Pitocin will have me singing a different tune) with induction, everything is scheduled down to when to administer which drugs. I never realized the full page list of medications that is associated with induction. I guess sometimes nature makes mistakes (like she did with my hair color).
I'm excited to finally see his face and experience all the things that await my new little family. I can't wait to make him giggle, soothe a cry, and fit into my old jeans. There so many changes that I can't wait to go through and so many things I can't wait to go back to normal and even more things I don't know how I feel about. Cesar is still trying to act cool about things but I see through his act. He is totally nervous and excited and doesn't know what to do...at all.
All in all we're both pretty glad to see this phase come to an end. It'll be nice to be able to bend down, sleep on my stomach, drink caffeine and alcohol, not have heartburn, eat sushi, and wear pants with a fly. I'll miss spending time out with my friends but that has been long gone for me for about...9 months. I'll have to make mom friends...sigh.
Truth is, I've gotten so used to being pregnant I can't really pin down how I anticipate my future thoughts and feelings. Maybe this blog will continue on tracking my life as a mother, if I'll have time. One thing is for sure, I know I already know I don't want to go back to work :)

wish us lots of luck and sleep!!!

until Tuesday,
abby

Week 36ish seriously, can anyone keep track?

Current weight – 173 lbs yeehaw

While I’ve become more and more used to being pregnant I have neglected to adequately psych myself up for labor and delivery, not to mention parenthood. Although, now that I think about it I haven’t even really felt pregnant until the past week or so. It’s harder to roll over or sit up, getting in and out of my car isn’t as easy as it used to be either and forget bending over (I’m a grade a dipper). I’m terrified of labor. At first I didn’t think I would be one of those women who freak out when they go into labor but the closer I get the more I see myself denying the situation and then panicking. Regardless of what I do, I am fairly certain that I will over react. I anticipate tears and displacement in large quantities.

If I were to post my Facebook status for the next few weeks it would read “Abby is feeling a bit like December 7, 1941” I feel SO unprepared. Things at the house aren’t ready at all, paperwork still needs to be taken to the hospital, I need to finish with work (2 more weeks!!!), diaper service needs to be set up, I need to get all the diaper covers organized. Its too much for one human incubator to handle. Men just don’t get it. Cesar is out trying to capitalize on the last remaining days of his youth (never mind that I didn’t get the opportunity, bastards) while I stress over the impending responsibilities. It’s a good thing we’re the smarter sex because a man couldn’t handle all of this. I dare you to tell me I’m wrong.

Baby is doing well. Head is down, heart rate is good, I’m healthy, we’re both doing great. I’m not dilated at all yet and they checked for “harmful bacteria”.  He still moves around a lot and it’s a lot more uncomfortable now. Sometimes he knocks the wind out of me, which I will keep filed away for a day when he thinks I never did anything for him. Hmm…Jewish guilt must be inherited.

Two more weeks of work, two more weeks of work, two more weeks of work! I’ve already mentally checked out. It doesn’t help that I have about 5% of the work I used to have and I’m tired every day because I can’t sleep at night. I’m looking forward to “dropping” so I can breathe more easily. I’m up to weekly appointments now, which will help me get through my last two work weeks (they tend to take a couple hours J )

I want a beer.

Week 35

Current Weight: 170? 172? who cares?

Good news! My belly button is still an innie. I'm also free for stretch marks, don't hate me.
Oh, and baby is head down (as of 5 weeks ago), has been kicking plenty, and my weight looks good!
We started taking our birthing prep class 2 weeks ago. I hope its helpful. Lots of relaxation techniques and spelling out of labor stages, pains, and the step by step of what happens during labor. I think we're both learning a lot, Cesar might be learning a little more than he had hoped for.
It's actually been really interesting to see the cultural differences in the way we view childbirth (and child rearing?). He kind of expects me to just "be" and prepare myself, whereas I want him to know whats going on and feel connected to the whole process as much as he can be so he can start to get to know his son. He still gets weirded out by movement but I make him touch my belly whenever I can.
The baby actually gets stage fright. I wasn't sure it was really possible but I'm pretty sure he only moves for me and sometimes Cesar. My sister got to feel him this weekend after my super amazing baby shower. One of the first person aside from me or Cesar to feel him.
The 2nd baby shower was amazing. It was beautiful and sweet and reminded me again of how generous people can be. I (think) I have everything I NEED now. Can we ever really be prepared for something we've never done? I've heard a lot of advice and I think it helps, if nothing else It allows me to form my own thoughts and opinions about how I think I'll think.
5 weeks to go. Counting down the end of this 9 month life, and prepping for the new life long one. There are so many things to feel but I still feel very calm. Okay so that's a lie. I'm very anxious, but this does nothing so I try to be as calm as possible. Between packing, moving, prepping, and having a life (...oh wait...) its easy to get lost in my own to-do list. For now, I'm thankful for all of the distractions and every piece of normalcy that comes my way.
I'm off to polish off a pint of ice cream before bed. Someone has been kick boxing for the past hour or so. I could learn a thing or two from him.

Week 32

The past couple of weeks have been interesting. It seems my nesting instinct has kicked into high gear. That coupled with my impending move and the ticking baby clock have been keeping me from sleeping much. I now have a very frequent urge to get DO. I have old clothes (skinny clothes) to pack for storage, hopeful clothes to go with me, bathroom luxuries I can live without (goodbye for now, cellulite cream) for storage, kitchen gadgets to slowly siphon into boxes, and books books books. Not to mention all of the other logistical things that I have still to handle. Picking a pediatrician and having him sign some paper saying that he’ll be the one examining the baby after delivery, pre-registration for the hospital, helping Cesar figure out his benefits package at Red Bull, signing up for birthing preparation classes, planning maternity leave, doctor appointments, and packing my hospital bag. It’s no wonder women are the one’s burdened with child birth; a man couldn’t get all of that done (especially while growing a baby from scratch and looking damn good while doing it). Unfortunately it means I’ve become all business. Every dinner with Cesar has become a meeting to discuss strategy and upcoming dates and plans. My old, fun, not-pregnant me is left wondering what the heck I used to talk about before this bossy bitch moved in.

I am looking forward to being settled and meeting our little guy. Not a big fan of the last few hours before I meet him but I am still confident that modern medicine will come up with a way to beam him out within the next 2 months. I have dreams about it (did you know frequent dreaming in one night is a sign that you aren’t fully rested?). Usually it is pretty normal and I can imagine the pain but its dull and nothing like I’ve heard anyone describe (“like shitting a giant watermelon that is on fire”).

Cesar is working 2 jobs right now which makes the dream of being settled somewhere seem much closer than it used to. He works Monday – Friday at Red Bull (yay!) and Saturday – Sunday for Dreyers. Not sure how long he(we)’ll be able to handle that but the extra cash will be very nice. We can pay off some debt, save up some money and get our own place (queue angelic singing). Having a Mexican mom around to cook for me doesn’t sound too bad either. The idea of having things paid off and being debt free is beautiful. My credit card will be easy, and my car might take a little time but at this rate I can pay it off 10 months early!

Doc says my skin looks great and I probably won’t get any stretch marks! Can you believe it!!!! don’t hate me, I’m sure I’ll suffer  in some other way (hmm acne scarring?) but I was thrilled when I heard that. My weight gain leveled off at my last appointment which is good news too. I’m trying, I swear. Who am I to fight with nature when it’s hot outside and she reminds me that I have ice cream in the freezer (thank you Dreyers)? So for now, I am resigned to eating well (ice cream aside) and doing extra laps at work so get off my butt and avoid varicose veins!

Right now I’d really like a giant burrito from Miguel’s Jr.

Week 31

current weight - 167...I think. Dr's scale says way more but I'm fairy certain that my bathroom scale is more accurate.

Saw Dr. Yeo last week, first appointment that Cesar couldn't make it to (he was working). Sucks for him because we got an ultrasound! Saw the ever-growing little guy for the first time in about 10 weeks. He is in the right position and I could see and feel him kicking me simultaneously which was really exciting.  The print out of his face that we got shows the outline of his skull and eye sockets and his little arm. Cesar is pretty concerned that his head looks too big. His mom, my parents and I have all been hard at work convincing him that it looks normal and to remind him that you can't see his skin or fat in the ultrasound. I think he's almost got it through his head.
Baby shower was this weekend and could not have been better! I got a cute new outfit and some fancy new shoes for the event. I made up my own cocktail, a blueberry martini. yum yum...from what I heard. So many people showed up, I wasn't expecting that. I still can't believe how generous my friends are. I get so hung up on how alone I've been feeling that I had written them off and they still showed me so much love. Opening all of the gifts got me really excited to meet (and dress) our guy. Even Cesar got excited when I went through and showed him all the neat things we got. Tons of shoes, little outfits, bottle warmer, even the cloth diapers from etsy got a rise out of him "that's bad!" (Cesar verbage for "that's so cool!") His mom couldn't stop cooing over the little sandals. I think Bentley (the dog) got a little jealous that the gifts weren't for him, as was clearly displayed by his theft of multiple diapers and rubber ducks.

So Cesar officially starts working at Red Bull on Monday! More money, full time, and benefits! (insert joyous skipping and dancing) This is great news for more reasons than the obvious cash perk, it means we'll be able to get our own place sooner! We'll still stay at his parent's house for a few months, pay off some debt and get comfortable with our new rolls...hopefully.

I've been seeing a lot more activity from baby. He had the hiccups for the first time last night, at least I'm pretty sure that's what it was. Normally I'll feel some bumps and punches sporadically, but last night was rhythmic bumping in the area where his torso is. It lasted approximately 3 minutes, I tried to catch it on video but it didn't show much. Better luck next time, Baby. He is starting to give me some pains though; lower back, upper back, ribs, trouble sleeping, heart burn. I have a ominous feeling about the remaining TWO MONTHS. I already don't feel like I can do all the things I used to do. Packing and moving are going to be very tricky.

We're signed up for a birthing class starting July 1st. I'm excited. I wish I hadn't had to try and convince him to take the class with me but ultimately he agreed to take the class with me. I think he is starting to realize that I'm always right. It's about damn time!

I'm growing out of my clothes faster and faster. I solicited the help of Jenn to keep me lookin good as my "stylist" I don't think she realizes what she has signed up for.